


Dark Hearts

by purplefangirl42



Series: Line of Destiny [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Family Feels, Implied Sexual Content, Jealousy, Light and darkness are relative, Manipulation, Mostly angst with a little romance thrown in, Nobody is allowed to be happy in this galaxy, Possible unhealthy relationship, Romance, Sibling Bonding, some violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-05-17 04:03:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5853364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplefangirl42/pseuds/purplefangirl42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sanya Kenobi must face the ghosts of her past. More specifically the ghost of Kylo Ren. Is his promise of devotion honest? Can she resist the pull of the dark side and bring him to the light?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Familiar Force

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! This story is actually a later section of the story I previously was writing titled Forces of Love. In true Star Wars fashion, I have decided to write the later story and then the stuff that comes before it. I will be writing this story for the time being before I return to the earlier times.

Sanya Kenobi stalked across the airstrip towards the Distrix, her friend Sam’s ship. He had said that he wouldn’t be long, but he had been gone for quite a while now. Sanya could sense something in the force that she couldn’t identify, and it was making her uneasy. She wanted to get off this planet as soon as possible. When she arrived at the ship, she made her way up the ramp, pulling her hood up and latching the front across her face. This planet was too cold for her liking. It was nothing like her home planet of Takodana.

The wind blew a cold draft that went right through her and chilled her to the bone. It didn’t do anything to help her already frayed nerves. The unknown feeling she had sensed suddenly grew stronger. It had transformed into a physical presence that wasn’t too far from her. She stood from her co-pilot seat and touched her light saber on her belt. Using the force, she reached out to the area outside the ship. The presence she sensed was both foreign and familiar to her. She had felt this presence before in her life, but something about it was different. It was so different that she was unable to place where she could remember it from.

A sudden crash alerted Sanya to the ship being shot at, nearly knocking her over where she stood. She rushed to the window to see what on earth was going on outside. The sky was filled with tie-fighters accompanied by a menacing larger black ship. The First Order was here. Sanya swore under her breath and reached out with her mind again in an attempt to contact Sam.

_Sam! We need to leave! The First Order is here!_

Hoping Sam got her message, Sanya started to power up the Distrix. She could hear shouting outside and blasters being fired. Once the ship was almost ready for travel, Sanya made her way to the back of the ship. She looked outside and sighed with relief when she saw Sam’s form running towards the ship. He was about twenty feet from the ramp when he suddenly stopped in his tracks. Sanya was startled when she felt the presence again, but much stronger. She could feel the force wrapping around Sam’s body, holding him in place. She tried to lessen the hold on him, but whoever was holding him in place was very strong. Sanya was about to run down the ramp towards her friend, but stopped herself when she saw a tall figure make his way into her field of vision. The figure was cloaked in black and had a mask covering his face. He was focused on Sam’s still form and didn’t seem to notice Sanya standing at the top of the ramp.

“You can’t run, so I suggest you stop trying,” a deep mechanical voice murmured from behind the mask.

Sam stopped struggling against his invisible bindings and focused his attention on the dark figure before him.

“I have nothing of interest to you or the First Order. I’m just a smuggler.”

The dark figure raised his gloved hand towards Sam and Sanya could see Sam wince as the force closed even tighter around his body.

“You would be surprised how many smugglers are working with the Resistance,” the man said evenly, “now, tell me where your base is.”

Sam shook his head in response, which only seemed to provoke the masked man. He lowered his raised hand to his belt where his light saber was. Sanya knew that if she didn’t do something, Sam would soon be dead. Grabbing her own light saber, she ran down the ramp towards the two men. She leaped above Sam’s head and landed neatly between the two men, her double bladed light saber igniting in her hand. The masked man almost seemed startled by her presence. He took a step back, but soon regained his stance. He pulled his light saber from his belt and ignited it.

“I see you have a friend, smuggler. I will finish off both of you then.”

The man stepped towards Sanya, his red light saber glowing fiercely. Sanya raised her weapon and defending against his oncoming attack. He was very strong, his blow nearly knocked her light saber from her hands. She pushed back against him with all the force she could muster. The two of them shared a few blows before she was able to get the upper hand.

“Sam run!” she yelled over her shoulder in Sam’s direction.

The man seemed to have lost his focus on Sam, so he was no longer bound with the invisible force. Sam turned and ran up the ramp to the cockpit. Sanya focused all her energy on the man before her. He had stopped attacking her and was looking at her with his head cocked to the side, almost like he was trying to recognize her. She took advantage of his distraction and flew at him with her light saber. He blocked her attack and returned with some blows of his own, lightly singeing Sanya’s arm. She hissed in pain and took a step back from the fight. She felt a force press against her mind, attempting to gain access to her thoughts. Sanya pushed back against it with all her strength.

“Stay out of my head!” she shouted at the masked figure before her.

She raised her left hand and felt the force flow through her in his direction. His feet skittered backward slightly before he retaliated with a much stronger force. His blow knocked her off her feet and sent her flying onto her back. The impact with the ground caused her hood to fall backwards from her face. Scrambling to her feet, Sanya resumed her previous stance. The man had started to advance on her but suddenly stopped in his tracks when she stood and faced him.

“Sanya?” he asked in disbelief.

Confused, Sanya looked at him suspiciously. She closed the distance between them and kicked out with her feet against his chest, knocking him backwards to the ground. Taking her chance, she started running back towards the Distrix. She could hear Sam shouting from the cockpit for her to hurry. She was almost at the ramp when she felt her feet stop running. It felt like she had stepped in fast drying glue. Soon she couldn’t move her entire body. Turning her eyes, she could see the masked man walking towards her with his hand outstretched. As her got closer, Sanya knew there was no hope for her escape.

“Go Sam! Leave me here!”

She saw Sam shake his head in response but he listened to her. The ramp closed in front of her and the Distrix started to ascend into the sky. She watched the ship fly away before turning her attention to the masked man that was now right next to her. He circled her until he was standing directly in front of her. Raising a gloved hand, he reached out and softly touched her face.

“I finally found you…” he said softly.

Sanya looked at him with confusion. She suddenly felt the invisible bindings release from her body. Before she could do anything, the hand on her face sent force waves through her mind, knocking her unconscious.


	2. Rain On My Heart

Sanya startled awake from her force-induced slumber. When she attempted to move, she realized her hands and feet were bound with metal restraints. She focused her energy on the controls of the restraints, only to be disappointed when they didn’t budge.

“Don’t bother trying to escape. You won’t get very far Sanya,” a deep voice said from across the room.

Sanya looked up quickly and scanned the room with her eyes. Sitting in the shadows was her masked captor.

“What do you want with me?” she asked angrily, “why have you brought me here?”

She could feel the ever-present feeling in her mind she had felt on the planet. The masked man stood from his seat and moved closer to her, his filtered voice sending chills down her spine.

“My wishes haven’t changed since we last met.”

She reached out with the force in an attempt to figure out who he was. Her question was answered when he reached to remove his helmet. He pulled it from his face and placed it on the elevated surface beside him. Sanya nearly gasped when she looked upon the handsome face of her captor.

“Ben?” she asked in disbelief.

His handsome face scrunched into a scowl at her mention of his name.

“I now go by Kylo Ren. That name has no meaning for me anymore.”

Sanya took his appearance in. He was a very different man than the Ben Solo she had known in the past. Thinking of the past made her anger flare up again.

“Just as well, I guess. The Ben Solo I knew no longer exists. He is long gone. The darkness consumed his soul and stole him away from all those who loved him.”

Kylo Ren’s mouth quirked up at the corner slightly.

“Still as headstrong as I remember. It was always my favorite thing about you.”

Sanya’s eyes flared with anger.

“Do not speak to me like a friend, Kylo Ren. What do you want with me?”

Kylo’s smirk disappeared and his eyes softened.

“I told you. My wishes have not changed. I want you beside me. I always have. Ever since you slipped from my grasp, I have been searching for you.”

He reached out his hand towards her face like he had back on the planet. His finger grazed her face before she flinched out of his reach. Kylo’s expression changed to show his hurt at being rejected.

“I see your feelings have changed,” he said, pulling his hand away.

Sanya continued to glare at him.

“That’s what happens when someone tries to kill you.”

 

_10 years ago_

Sanya hid behind a boulder, the rain falling hard around her. She covered her mouth with her hand to stifle her sobs. The screams of her fellow padawans filled the air as they were slaughtered. She prayed that she wouldn’t meet a similar end.

Looking around the side of the boulder, she saw the figures standing in the rain over the limp bodies of the fallen padawans. One figure seemed to be leading the group. A very familiar figure, one she wished she hadn’t seen. Ben.

He seemed to be searching the bodies, almost like he was looking for someone. Sanya’s heart quickened as she realized he was searching for her. He stopped his search and looked up in her direction. She felt his mind reach out to her.

_Sanya. Don’t be afraid._

He started to walk towards her hiding place. Sanya couldn’t get her body to move, to run away. He reached her side in no time, rain pattering off his metal helmet. He reached out his hand to her, offering to help her stand.

Sanya scrambled to her feet on her own, backing up against the boulder. Ben reached up and removed his helmet from his head. His dark hair tumbled down around his face, shielding it from the rain.

“Sanya, come with me. You will be safe, I promise,” he said softly.

Sanya shook her head vigorously. She summoned the force within herself and flung it at him with all her strength. It affected him, but just barely. It was enough for her to run into the woods behind her.

Ben growled and dropped his helmet on the wet ground. He barked an order to the men standing behind him before chasing after Sanya into the forest.

Sanya called out desperately in her mind for her master to help her.

_Luke! Please help me! He’s after me!_

Not looking where she was going, Sanya couldn’t see the branch in the dark until she tripped over it. She fell on her stomach and got a face full of mud. She sputtered and clambered back to her feet to begin running again. Before she had the chance, Ben crashed through the trees behind her. He reached out and grabbed her arm, forcing her to face him.

“Please Sanya! Come with me!” he shouted over the deafening rain, “I can save you!”

Sanya tried to pull her arm from his grasp to no avail.

“Save me? You are the one doing this! Why Ben?! Why are you doing this?!”

Ben pulled Sanya closer to him and gazed down into her tearful eyes.

“Because I have to! But if you come with me, I can offer you safety.”

Sanya looked up into his eyes and felt a sense of dread overtake her. There was no way he could protect her from whatever cause he was associated with, or even from himself. The eyes she was looking into were of a broken man. She pulled her arm again and managed to free herself from his grasp.

“I can’t come with you. I’m sorry Ben.”

Ben’s face contorted in grief as he took in her refusal. He reached for his light saber at his hip. Igniting it, the reddish glow lit up the patch of empty forest they were standing in.

“If you won’t come with me, I have to kill you.”

Sanya desperately grabbed her own light saber from its hilt and ignited it. The green glow mixed with the red as the two of them stared at each other. Ben rushed towards her and swung his light saber in her direction. Sanya lifted hers and parried his strike. He had always been stronger than her. She wasn’t sure how long she would be able to fight him off.

After she defending a few of his strikes off, Sanya attempted to attack him herself. Ben blocked her swipe easily and grabbed her wrist. Her light saber turned off and fell from her hand. Sanya fell to her knees and looked up at Ben in surrender. He was going to kill her. Her best friend was going to kill her.

“I’m sorry Sanya…” he choked out as he lifted his light saber to finish her off.

Sanya met his eyes again and let out a sob.

“I love you Ben…” she uttered softly.

Ben paused in his strike and reached out towards her. Before his hand reached her, another light saber lit up the clearing. Ben’s attention moved to his right where his uncle stood.

“Run Sanya!” Luke cried out before swinging his light saber at his nephew.

Ben deflected Luke’s attack but fell to the ground at the force of the strike. Rather than attack again, Luke ran into the woods after Sanya who had taken her chance to flee. Ben kneeled in the rain, watching his uncle and best friend run off into the darkness. No one was around to hear what he said.

“I love you Sanya.”


	3. History

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to note that I switch between Ben and Kylo based on how Sanya views him. That’s why he is Ben at one point and Kylo at another.

Kylo shook his head at the memory that had played out in both his and Sanya’s mind. It was a change to see the memory through her eyes as he seen in her mind, rather than the nightmare he had in his own memory.

“I would never have harmed you Sanya. You must know that.”

Sanya raised her eyebrows at him in disbelief.

“The light saber above my head told another story. If Luke hadn’t intervened, I wouldn’t be here for this conversation. You would have killed me.”

Kylo stepped closer to her, his face less than a foot from her own. Sanya tried not to take notice of the sincerity in his eyes. He was only trying to trick her.

“Do you really think I could hurt you?” he asked softly.

Sanya felt a tug in her heart at the memory of him with the light saber above her head. The image of the murdered padawans filled her mind. His mask hiding the monster within as he stood in the rain, surrounded by their limp forms.

“Do I think the man that killed innocent people in cold blood could hurt me? Yes I do.”

Kylo frowned in response. He reached out to touch her face again, but seemed to think better of it and pulled his hand away.

“It’s different with you. I love you. I wanted you to come with me, to be safe. I still want that.”

Sanya wanted to believe what he was saying, but she remembered the stories her mother had told her when she was younger. The dark side was so overpowering that it didn’t matter how much something meant to you if it got in the way. She was only safe until the darkness overtook him again.

“Your feelings for me wouldn’t stop you from hurting me. It didn’t stop Vader from hurting those he loved. He killed his wife and almost killed his son. The darkness prevails overs everything.”

Kylo’s face contorted in anger at her mention of Darth Vader.

“You know nothing of my grandfather! You know nothing of his legacy! His life is my history, not yours!” he shouted in her face.

Sanya had a hard time maintaining her composure while he fumed. She was determined to not show her fear of his anger. He had always had a temper, it was one of his downfalls. She didn’t want her own rage to get away from her.

“He’s my history too. My parents were once under his tutelage. Did you know that since you know so much about him?”

Kylo looked taken aback by her response.

“Your parents?”

“Yes. Ever heard of Starkiller? How about Amelae? He trained both of them from when they were very young.”

His anger quickly returned.

“Traitors, both of them! They deserted the cause!”

Sanya felt the anger within her build up at hearing her parents labeled as traitors.

“He would have killed my mother simply because she regretted her father’s death at his hand. He did kill my father! And my grandfather! He is not a man worthy of your imitation! But I must admit, your imitation of him is spot on. He was also a monster.”

Sanya worried she may have gone too far when Kylo’s face twisted with rage. He raised his hand as if to smack her across the face. She closed her eyes and flinched away in fear.

Kylo seemed to see her fear and stopped before he his hand reached her face. His arm fell down to his side. Physical violence would only solidify her hate against him. He turned away from her and ran his hands through his hair desperately. He needed to calm himself before he did something he would regret.

Sanya opened her eyes when she didn’t feel the pain she was expecting. Kylo was facing away from her, looking at the ground.

“My grandfather did make mistakes. I will surpass him. I will succeed where he failed. I will protect what matters to me.”

He reached out and grabbed his helmet before walking to the door. He left without another word, placing the helmet on his head as he went through the door. The door slid shut behind him and Sanya was left alone in the room.

Sanya closed her eyes again and tried to focus her energy on reaching out across the galaxy. If she could reach her mother, maybe she could get a message through about her capture. Sam probably thought she was dead as soon as he left her on the planet, so he wouldn’t formulate any rescue plan. She focused on her mother’s life force back on Takodana.

_Mom…please hear me… he has taken me…_

 

After nearly an hour of reaching out with the force, Sanya felt exhausted with effort. She hadn’t made any progress. Kylo Ren must have done something to prevent her from reaching out for help. She felt her mind buzz as though she had been drugged. He had taken all the proper precautions so she wouldn’t be able to escape.

Sanya was startled when the door to the room opened again. Kylo walked into the room and raised his arm towards her. She felt the bindings around her hands and feet release. She slowly lifted herself from the slanted platform she had been strapped to.

Kylo said nothing to her, but reached out to grab her by the arm. She was unable to read his face because he was still wearing his mask. She had no idea what he planned on doing with her.

Kylo attached portable restraints to her wrists and dragged her down a long hallway, still not saying anything. They passed by a man dressed in all black with red hair. Kylo didn’t acknowledge him, but Sanya felt as if she knew him from somewhere. The man stared at her like a predator would at his prey.

“I wasn’t aware we had a guest Ren,” he said to Kylo’s back as they passed.

Kylo stopped in his tracks but didn’t turn around.

“She works with the resistance. Nothing of concern to you Hux.”

Hux looked intently at Sanya, his eyes roaming up and down her small form. Sanya felt violated by his gaze. There was an awful energy coming from her that terrified her more than Kylo’s anger earlier.

“Anything in particular you need?” Kylo asked in an irritated tone.

Hux turned his attention back to Kylo. He sneered at the man before him.

“No. Just curious where you are taking our guest.”

Kylo finally turned around to face Hux, and Sanya could feel anger emanating from him, even though she couldn’t see his face.

“I’m taking her to her cell until I need to question her again.”

Hux raised an eyebrow before returning his eyes to Sanya.

“Well, you must be a very important prisoner to be personally escorted to your cell by Kylo Ren. I shall have to ask Supreme Leader about you.”

Hux smirked at Kylo before turning around to walk down the hall. Sanya could feel Kylo’s anger rolling off him in waves as he turned back in the direction they had been heading before, pulling her with him. She heard him curse Hux under his breath as they walked.

They finally reached their destination and Kylo typed something on a keypad next to the door. The door whooshed open to reveal a small room behind it. Kylo pulled Sanya into the room and closed the door behind them.

“This is your cell. Bathroom is through that door,” he told her gesturing towards the other door in the room.

Sanya took in the room they were standing in. It didn’t seem like a cell to her. It almost looked like her bedroom at home when she was younger. It seemed to be tailored to her likes. There was even a small scent of lavender and chai tea in the air. She turned to face Kylo to gage his emotions. His mask was still in place so all she got was the remnants of his previous anger.

“A droid will be by with food later. Our conversation is far from over, I will return when you have had some rest and time to think.”

He turned away from her and typed a code again on the door to open it. He walked into the hall without another word, the door closing behind him.

Sanya sat down on the bed and contemplated the situation she had found herself in. What were you supposed to do when someone so dangerous was so determined to make you theirs?


	4. Darkness Inside

Sanya sat on the floor of her “cell” with her legs crossed. She had been alone in this room for several days now. The only interaction she had was with the droid that brought her food to her. Kylo Ren had neglected to grace her with his presence, for which she was grateful. Being anywhere near him pushed her over the edge. She needed to focus on keeping her temper in check. Her mother had always told her that uncontrollable anger was the gateway to the dark side.

Sanya had been meditating off and on over the past few days. She had been reaching out with the force in an attempt to contact her mother. It was often that she was away from home for long periods of time, but if Sam had been in contact with her mother, she might think the worst and assume Sanya was dead.

Death was something that was entirely possible in her situation. Who knew how long she could be here without Kylo Ren losing his temper and killing her in a rage? She was only alive because of their history, which admittedly wasn’t great. If she didn’t find a way to get away from her captor, she wasn’t sure how much longer she would be alive.

Sanya shook her head to clear it of her negative thoughts and refocused on her meditating. She had been working on calming herself the past few days and it had been helping. She focused on that feeling again and tried to find inner peace.

Her meditating was interrupted though when the door to her room slid open and a very irate Kylo Ren strode through the door. Sanya decided not to give him attention and continued to meditate. She could feel the anger rolling off of him and it was like it was attacking her calm energy. Not able to stand it, she opened her eyes and looked up at her angry captor.

“Is there a problem I should know about?” she asked.

Kylo paced back and forth across the room a few times before stopping and standing in front of her. Sanya couldn’t read his face through his mask. His anger was mixed with another emotion she couldn’t quite identify. He finally reached up and took his helmet off his head, placing it on the small table. He sat down on her bed, as if he was trying to get closer to her level.

Sanya could feel the anger starting to dissipate, a slightly irritated calmness coming over him. She was puzzled, but spoke up sarcastically.

“Whatever you were so worked up about must not be that important if you are so calm about it now.”

Kylo didn’t look at her, but at the wall next to her shaking his head.

“It is important. Your calm force is affecting me. It has been for the past few days. I don’t seem to have control over it.”

Sanya laughed quietly in disbelief.

“I don’t have that power. I can’t force others to be calm.”

Kylo turned his eyes from the wall to her face.

“We have a connection through the force. I feel what you feel. You’ve been meditating the past few days and it has had a calming influence over me. Can’t you feel it? It’s been there since the day we met. We are connected through the force.”

Sanya shook her head and gave up on her meditative state.

“Don’t try to bring the force into this. Nothing you say will change how I feel.”

The sense of calm that had been flowing in the room dissipated and she could feel Kylo’s anger rising again.

“Why can’t you just accept my feelings and admit that you felt the same? Those feelings are still there, I know they are!”

Sanya’s own calm was gone now, it took no time for it to disappear when he was around. She stood from her sitting place on the floor and faced Kylo Ren.

“I did love Ben Solo, and you are no longer him. You said so yourself.”

Kylo stood from his seat on her bed, his anger replaced by a sense of desperation.

“I’m the same person, just altered a bit. I fought off the weaknesses that made up Ben Solo.”

Sanya crossed her arms over her chest defiantly.

“You essentially killed him. How could I care for the person that killed the man I loved?”

Kylo’s pent up frustration erupted. He reached out and roughly grabbed Sanya’s arms, surprising her.

“Damn it Sanya! I’m right here! I am Ben Solo, is that what you need to hear?!”

Sanya flinched at his sudden outburst and grimaced in pain at his grip on her arms. Kylo saw the fear in her eyes and released his grip. Sanya backed out of arms reach and scowled at him.

“Why does it matter how I feel? I’m your captive. I can’t go anywhere. Since when do servants of the dark side care how others feel?”

Kylo anxiously ran his hands through his dark curls.

“I don’t want things to be one sided. I want you to love me the way I love you. We belong together.”

Sanya raised her eyebrows quizzically.

“We belong together? According to who? You? Is there some great prophecy about us that I’m not aware of?”

Kylo looked at Sanya incredulously.

“Think about it Sanya. We are the descendants of Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi. Two great force users that were allies.”

“Turned enemies. By your reasoning, we are destined to hate each other, not fall in love. You are darkness, I am light. We don’t mix.”

Kylo chuckled darkly at her words.

“You think you are so ingrained in the light? Your parents were both aligned to the dark side. Both sets of your grandparents broke the Jedi code and fell in love.”

Sanya felt her anger rising at the mention of her parents.

“My parents turned to the light when they realized how horrible the dark side is. Believe me when I say the darkness holds no temptation for me.”

Kylo smirked at her and lightly shook his head.

“Then why do you feel so much anger? Why do you feel so much emotion in general? That is not the way of a Jedi. Maybe you have just had it drilled into your head that the light is where you belong that you actually believe it. You are only afraid of the darkness because you were trained to fear it.”

Sanya threw her hands in the air in frustration.

“So were you! You were trained in the light like I was!”

“I was able to overcome the barrier put on my mind and realize how much power there is in the dark side, how much more stronger it makes me. You too could have that power, if you would just let go of the idea that we are so different.”

Sanya backed up a few steps holding her hands up in front of her.

“I am nothing like you. I see right through your plan now. At first I thought maybe you were telling the truth about your feelings for me. Maybe there was still some of Ben Solo left in you, but now I see it was all just a ploy to trick me and seduce me to the dark side.”

Kylo shrugged his shoulders and smirked again.

“More like killing two birds with one stone. I do love you Sanya, and I want you at my side. I want you to realize your true power.”

“Well sorry to disappoint you, but you have no power over me.”

Sanya suddenly regretted those words as Kylo stepped forward. She took another step back, only to realize she was against the wall. Kylo took another step forward, closing the space between them.

“Really? I have no power?”

He reached his hands out, pushing Sanya firmly against the wall. Sanya felt a rush of panic and excitement. Kylo closed the remaining gap between them, his face only inches from her own. Sanya’s gaze drifted to his lips and then up to his dark eyes. He leaned in closer and smiled.

“I have more power over you than you know. I didn’t want to have to use this method, but it seems I have no choice.”

Sanya felt an overwhelming urge to close the space and kiss him. She internally screamed how bad an idea that was and focused her energy on restraining herself. With all her focus on her willpower, she had let her guard down on her mind. Kylo pushed into her thoughts and felt her restraint. He smiled again and backed away from Sanya.

“I knew you had feelings for me, you just needed some persuasion to let them out.”

With Kylo not so close to her, Sanya was able to regain some of her composure. She felt her cheeks burning and she felt foolish about how he had made her feel.

“I hate you Kylo Ren,”

Kylo walked across the room and grabbed his helmet from the table. He turned around to face her again, a triumphant smile on his face. He chuckled softly.

“There is a thin line between love and hate Sanya. You will soon realize that. Passion fuels hate, love, and anger and you have plenty of it built up inside you. When I came in here, I was angry, but our time together has taught me some wonderful things that have solved my problem.”

Sanya straightened her spine to appear more confident, even though her knees were begging to give out.

“What problem would that be?”

“You will find out soon enough.”

Kylo placed his helmet on his head before exiting the room, closing the door behind him. Sanya sunk back against the wall and lowered herself to the floor.

She was extremely frustrated with herself and her lack of strength against him. She had been so focused on not falling for his mind games that she ignored her attraction to him. Her body responded to his and she had done nothing to control it. He had sensed her attraction and used it against her. She inwardly cursed herself and told herself to be more careful. She would need to be extra vigilant to not fall for his tricks the next time.

 

As Kylo Ren walked down the hall from Sanya’s room, he felt a sense of accomplishment. He had realized what made her tick. He had found her weakness, which oddly enough had been himself. He now had something to use against her.

He made his way to another door and entered the dark room behind it. Walking to the center of the room, he kneeled as a light filled the empty space with the image of Leader Snoke.

“Supreme Leader. I have good news.”

“Yes Ren? Is it about this girl you have been keeping secret from me?”

Kylo swallowed anxiously before continuing.

“Yes Supreme Leader. She has great potential in the force. I can sense the darkness inside of her. It is strong, and needs to be brought out.”

The large holographic man nodded slowly at Kylo’s words.

“It will be your responsibility to bring that darkness out of her. Bring her to our side.”

Kylo nodded in agreement.

“Yes Supreme Leader.”

He started to stand from his kneeling position when Snoke spoke again.

“But if it cannot be done, if she cannot be turned, she will need to die.”

Snoke’s words pierced Kylo’s heart but he quickly cleared his mind so Snoke couldn’t sense his deception.

“Yes Supreme Leader. I understand.”

“Good,” Snoke said before his image disappeared from the room.

Kylo fully rose and felt his fear overwhelm him.

_Dear God, what have I done?_


	5. Loud Thoughts

Kylo Ren paced back and forth across the main area of his living quarters. The task that Snoke had placed on his shoulders was something he wasn’t able to handle. He wasn’t positive he could bring Sanya to the dark side. The potential was there, but whether he could use it to his advantage or not was unknown. If he failed, Snoke would want him to eliminate Sanya. That was something he was uncomfortable doing. He almost had killed her once, which Snoke knew. At another time, he would have given up anything that Snoke asked him to. Now, he wasn’t so sure he could.

He was startled by a sudden knock at his door. He grabbed his helmet from the table and placed it on his head. Pressing a few buttons, his door slid open to reveal Captain Phasma standing on the other side. The tall commanding woman rarely spoke to him unless it was about official business, so he wondered what she was doing at his door.

“Yes Captain?”

“I have come across something that I feel you should know sir. It’s about the girl that you captured last week. General Hux has developed a keen interest in her and her identity. He has been digging for answers and if he finds out who she really is, he may not react in a savory way.”

Kylo was puzzled about the captain’s knowledge of Sanya’s identity.

“How do you know about her identity Phasma? What do you know?”

“I know her name. It was familiar to me, or rather her last name was. Her mother is Padme Kenobi, if I’m not mistaken. Someone that the General has a severe grudge against. I thought it was important that you knew the scope of things sir.”

Kylo nodded at the captain, flexing his fists in anger.

“Thank you for telling me, Captain.”

Phasma nodded in response before turning and walking down the hall. Kylo closed the door to his quarters again. He felt his anger boiling up inside him at Hux. He reached for his light saber at his belt and ignited it. He promptly took his frustration out on the chair in his sitting area. Slashing with his light saber, he shredded the piece of furniture mercilessly.

_Damn it Hux, why can’t you mind your own business?_

Kylo stood in the middle of his sitting room breathing heavily. He stared at the remnants of his chair and sighed heavily. Suddenly, he felt his rage dissipating on it’s own. A calming force had taken over his mind, pushing away his anger and anxiety from before. Confused, he reached out with his mind to find out where the influence was coming from. He was startled for a second time when a feminine voice echoed in his head.

_I could feel your rage and anxiety from here. You really should work on that._

Kylo quickly closed off his mind and Sanya’s voice disappeared from his mind. He hadn’t expected her to be able to commune with him. Their bond through the force had been realized on his end, but she had refused to acknowledge it herself. Now it seemed that she had. Kylo felt that this was progress. She was finally admitting that they were connected.

Taking this news as a sign he was getting somewhere, he decided that he needed to deal with the problem at hand before things escalated. He walked over to the keypad and sent fro a droid to come clean up the mess he had made of his chair. After that was taken care of, he left his quarters in search of General Hux. He quickly walked down the hallway in the direction of Hux’s office. Without knocking, he entered the room to find Hux sitting at his desk looking at files on a screen. Hux looked up and seemed surprised to see him.

“What do you want Ren?” he asked in an uninterested tone.

Kylo walked up to the front of Hux’s desk and pointed at the man’s chest.

“I want you to stay out of my business and stay away from the girl. Her identity and purpose for being here are none of your concern. She belongs to me. Supreme Leader has plans in place that you are not privy to, so keep your nose out of them. “

Hux raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

“You do well to remember Ren that you are not in charge of me. Further, Supreme Leader wouldn’t even know about the girl if I hadn’t told him about her. I am well within my rights to look into what goes on around my base.”

Kylo’s anger began to swell again and his extended hand twisted, manipulating the force. He watched as Hux grabbed for his throat, struggling to breathe.

“Stay the hell away from her Hux. I won’t tell you again.”

Kylo released his hold on Hux’s airway, turned and left the office.

 

Sanya paced around her cell, trying to stretch her muscles. She was getting antsy from being cooped up in the room and felt like she needed to do something. Laying down on the ground, she started to do crunches. She did five sets of ten before alternating to push ups. After five sets of those, she returned to the crunches. The door to her room opened and Sanya noticed Kylo Ren walk into the room. She continued with her routine, not stopping to acknowledge his presence.

Kylo paused after entering the room and removed his helmet. He gazed at Sanya laying on the ground and felt his cheeks burn at the sight of her. Sanya stopped mid crunch when she noticed him staring. Kylo quickly turned his gaze from her.

“What?” she questioned. “I am tired of being cooped up in here and I got antsy. Plus I need to stay in shape.”

Kylo cleared his throat and returned his gaze to meet her eyes.

“I agree. You should train. I can help you.”

Sanya paused again and looked up at him in confusion.

“Why would you do that?”

Kylo tossed his helmet onto her neatly made bed and moved to stand in front of her.

“If you are going to be by my side, you need to be able to fight. To defend yourself.”

Sanya scoffed at him.

“Are you still on about that? What part of I have no interest in joining you do you not get? And I can fight?”

Kylo raised his eyebrows in response.

“Really? Stand up and fight me then.”

Sanya stood from her place on the ground and looked around the small room.

“In here? There’s no space.”

“If you’re such a good fighter, you should be able to fight in any space, no matter the size. So fight me.”

Sanya sighed and raised her arms into a defensive position. She raised her eyebrows in expectation. Kylo swiped at her with his left hand, which Sanya easily blocked. He quickly swung his right arm at her midsection, hitting her in the side, knocking the wind out of her. Sanya jumped in an attempt to kick at him, but Kylo managed to grab her foot and knock her to the ground.

Thinking quickly, Sanya swung her feet around at his legs. He stumbled backwards a small amount at the blow, giving her enough time to stand again. She thrust out her right hand, hitting him square in the chest. As her blow landed, she felt the force flow through her body into her hand, sending Kylo flying across the small room into the wall.

Sanya dropped her stance. She hadn’t meant to use the force, it just happened. She saw Kylo getting to his feet, wincing slightly.

“Are you alright?” she asked him.

He nodded and quickly advanced on her again. Not prepared, Sanya didn’t have time to defend herself. Kylo grabbed her arms and pushed her against the wall.

“Always be prepared to defend yourself. No matter who you are fighting. You are powerful, use that to your advantage.”

“I thought I hurt you,” Sanya said softly.

“You did. That’s the point, we’re fighting. Don’t be afraid to use your power.”

Kylo released her arms and took a few steps back, beckoning with his hands for her to attack him again. Sanya took a deep breath before resuming her fighting stance. She sung at him a few times, which he blocked easily. She prepared to swing at him again but changed her mind, kicking out at him, hitting his side. She managed to successfully hit him a few times. Gaining momentum, Sanya spun around to hit him again.

Kylo reached out and grabbed her arms again. He spun her around so he was behind her, crossing her arms over her chest. Sanya pulled in an attempt to get away but he was stronger than she was. Kylo leaned down and spoke right next to her ear, sending chills down her spine.

“You are a good enough fighter, but you still need work. You need to learn to harness the force and use it to your advantage.”

Sanya couldn’t form coherent words so she simply nodded in response to his words. He released his hold on her again and she turned around to face him. They were standing very close to each other, and she could feel the energy flowing between them. She had the same urge she had before. She wanted to kiss him. She quickly extinguished that thought and turned her face away from him. She stepped to go around him.

Sanya suddenly found herself in Kylo’s hold again. He grabbed her and pulled her closer to him. He leaned down to her face and claimed her lips with his own in a gentle but urgent kiss. Every sensible part of her mind told her to pull away, but Sanya instead found herself returning the kiss. Her hand snaked up to run through his thick dark curls, pulling him even closer. Every inch of her felt like it was on fire and she didn’t want it to end.

It was Kylo that pulled away ever so slightly. His forehead rested against hers and his eyes were closed.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” he said softly.

Sanya felt a small smile form on her face. The voice in her head scolded her for letting this happen. She wasn’t supposed to fall for him. Kylo smiled as he heard her thoughts shoot out of her mind into his.

“You might want to work on keeping your thoughts to yourself. You think quite loudly.”

Scared that he could hear what she was thinking, Sanya pulled away from their embrace. She could feel her face burning and her eyes brimmed with tears. Kylo opened his eyes and looked down at her with concern. He was startled to see the wetness of her eyes.

“Sanya? What’s wrong?”

Sanya shook her head, trying to keep herself composed. This was exactly what she was afraid would happen if she let her guard down.

“I don’t want to love you Ben. You have done so many horrible things that I can’t forgive you for. But it seems I have no choice in the matter. My heart has decided for me.”

Kylo felt his heart stop when she said she loved him. He looked into her watery eyes and he could see what she was saying was true. He also saw fear hidden beneath her sadness. She was afraid of him, of loving him. He had been focused on protecting her from Snoke and Hux that he realized he didn’t protect her from the worst danger. Himself. He couldn’t protect her from himself.

He quickly reached for his helmet that was laying on her bed.

“I can’t do this to you,” he said sorrowfully before rushing out the door, leaving Sanya alone.

Sanya let out a sob as she watched him retreat and sunk to the floor against the wall.


	6. Murderers

Sanya lay on her bed staring up at the ceiling. She felt like her stomach was in knots and her eyes burned from the number of times she had given way to tears. It had been a few days since she had let her guard down with Kylo Ren.

She had admitted what she felt, and for a split second, she thought she had seen Ben Solo return to her. There had been something in his eyes, she was sure she had seen it. Then as quickly as it had surfaced, it was gone again. He walked away from her and left her alone in her cell. He hadn’t been to see her since then. Every time the droid came to deliver her meals, her hopes raised slightly that it would be him walking through the door. Every time she was disappointed.

She tried reaching out to him through the force like she had before he had come to her cell. She felt his presence on the base, but she was blocked from his mind. He was purposefully keeping her out.

_Ben…let me in…_

She focused her emotions towards him so he could feel that her intentions were honorable. They seem to hit an impenetrable barrier and faze out. Sanya sighed and gave up.

She sat up on her bed at the sound of her door opening. Expecting the droid, she was startled when the man she had met in the hallway shortly after her capture. The red haired man crossed his arms over his chest and stepped closer to her. Sanya stood from her bed to confront the man.

“General Hux, I presume?” she asked, having heard the name in Kylo’s mind when he was angry.

Hux sneered at her and raised his hand. He smacked Sanya roughly across the face, causing her to stumble back in shock. She raised her hand to her sore cheek and felt the wetness of blood on her lip.

“Do not speak to me. You are the spawn of traitors and murderers. You are dirt to me.”

Sanya glared at the man before her, confusion masking her pain.

“What have I ever done to you?”

Hux took another step closer and raised his hand as if to smack her again. Sanya backed away from him, her knees running into the edge of her bed. She righted herself to prevent falling onto her bed. Hux’s raised hand clenched into a fist, his index finger stabbed in her direction.

“Personally, you haven’t done anything to me. Your pathetic parents did. They betrayed the cause they were pledged to and they murdered my father in cold blood. I intend to make them pay for it!”

Sanya wondered what he was talking about, until something came to her mind. Something her mother had told her about when she was younger, asking about her father. She had told her about a man named Brendol Hux, who worked for the Empire. He had discovered her hiding place after she had fled from Darth Vader, and had been sent to dispose of her. He had almost succeeded in killing her when Sanya’s father intercepted, killing the man with his light saber.

Holding her ground, Sanya responded to Hux’s accusations.

“I thought your name sounded familiar. Your father was sent to kill my mother, and he was killed by my father. He did it to protect her from him. Your father was the murderer.”

Hux’s sneer was replaced by an expression of rage. His raised fist closed and he swung at Sanya, hitting her in the jaw. She fell down onto her bed, dazed from the blow. Looking up at the enraged man, she scowled.

“Also, it may have escaped your notice, but my father is dead. Darth Vader killed him a long time ago. He died before my mother even knew she was pregnant. He’s already paid for his actions.”

Hux flexed his hand to relieve the pain from his blow. He had taken a few steps back from Sanya and was pacing like a caged animal.

“His death does not erase my father’s. Your mother is still very much alive, and she will soon know the pain of losing her remaining family. I know enough about the force to know that she will feel your death with all her being.”

Hux reached for his blaster at his hip and pointed it at Sanya. Sanya backed against the wall, unable to move out of the way. She felt her fear welling up inside her and it quickly took over her. Before she knew what was happening, she raised her hands in front of her in defense. She felt a strong pulse of energy surge through her into her palms. The force power flew across the room in Hux’s direction.

Hux’s body flew across the room and hit the opposite wall. He sunk to the floor in pain, dropping his blaster.

The door to the room opened, and two storm troopers entered. They looked at Hux on the floor and Sanya on her bed with her hands raised. One of the troopers raised his weapon and fired it in Sanya’s direction. She felt a bolt of electricity shoot through her and the world around her faded as she fell unconscious.

 

Kylo Ren sat on the bench in a dark room. His gaze was on the floor, his breathing sounding harsh through his mask. He raised his eyes to the dark object before him. His grandfather’s burned out mask stared back at him, a dark energy surrounding it.

“I don’t know what to do grandfather. I cannot do what Supreme Leader has asked of me. I am weak. Sanya is a beacon of light in the darkness, and I cannot bring myself to extinguish that light and bring out the darkness hidden inside her. Her light is overpowering, it surrounds her entire being. To extinguish that light would erase who she is from existence.”

Kylo felt an energy surround him, and he felt as if his grandfather’s spirit was listening to his plight. Though there was no vocal response, he continued.

“She is always in my thoughts, even when I am nowhere near her. I can feel her inside, fighting the darkness raging inside me. I have felt it since the night I almost killed her at the academy. I can no longer ignore it. I do not have the strength to fight it. Without the darkness, I cannot protect her. Supreme Leader will sense it and kill us both.”

He stopped speaking when he felt a sudden pressure on his mind. He had been feeling it the past few days. Sanya was trying to enter his mind. He had been actively blocking her, keeping her out of his tormented thoughts. This pressure was more insistent that before, and he finally released a bit to let it in.

His mind was suddenly filled with a overpowering sense of anger and fear. He quickly reached out for Sanya through the force, feeling the fear overflowing from her mind into his. He felt as if he was drowning in it. Suddenly, he felt the fear flow out followed by an explosion of energy. His connection to Sanya felt disrupted. Panicked, Kylo called out to her.

_Sanya? Are you alright?_

He got no response and he sensed Sanya’s mind had gone quiet. He could still feel her life force, but it was tinged with pain. He could feel the pain increasing and the life force slowly start to fade.

Kylo quickly stood from the bench and rushed out of the dark room. He briskly walked down the hallway, his pace increasing with every step until he was outright running. He reached Sanya’s cell and found the guards standing outside. He could feel they were confused and shaken.

“What happened here?” he spat angrily at them through his mask.

One guard turned to him and nervously replied.

“General Hux was here Sir. He said he wanted to talk to the prisoner. We heard a commotion from inside. When we went to investigate, the general was on the floor and the prisoner had her hands raised to attack. I stunned her while he helped Hux to his feet. He ordered us to leave the room, so we did. He left shortly after that. He seemed in a rush Sir.”

Kylo pushed past the guards, opening the door to Sanya’s room. He looked around the room and saw Sanya lying on the floor unconscious. Her face was bleeding and her breathing was very shallow. Lying on the ground next to her arm was a needle, the glass casing broken.

Kylo quickly moved towards Sanya and lifted her limp form into his arms.

“Sanya! Wake up!”

Sanya’s head rolled limply to the side. Kylo felt his rage boiling up inside him. The lights above his head sparked and fizzled out from the force rolling off of him. Grabbing the broken needle, he stood and quickly left the room with Sanya over his arms. He called out to the guards to tell the infirmary he was coming with a patient before rushing down the hallway.

Reaching the infirmary, Kylo placed Sanya down on the nearest bed her could find. The medical staff bustled around him, tending to Sanya’s wounds. Kylo stood still in place, watching what was going on, not fully processing it. A hand on his arm brought him out of his stupor.

“I’m sorry Sir, but we need you to move so we can tend to the patient.”

Kylo stared down at the staff member speaking to him. He acknowledged her words and stepped away from Sanya’s bed numbly.

“She was injected with something. I found this needle.”

He handed the needle to the staff member, which she took. She gestured to the chairs near the door.

“We will do what we can Sir,” she replied curtly before walking away with the needle Kylo had handed to her.

Kylo stumbled over to the chair she had pointed to and sat down. He held his head in his hands, his breathing and heart rate increasing. He didn’t care who saw him in this state. They were all too afraid to say anything.

_This is not the path I choose. I can’t lose her this way. Please don’t leave me Sanya_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to note that I am not following Force Unleashed canon as far as when Starkiller was killed. For the sake of this story, he wasn't killed until shortly before the events of Return of the Jedi.


	7. Pining

Kylo sat next to Sanya’s bed in the infirmary, where she had been laying unconscious for almost four days. The medical staff had been able to formulate an antidote to whatever poison had been injected into her system, and she had physically been able to recover. Her continuing unconsciousness was worrying him though. He had refrained from reaching out with his mind in fear of not being able to reach her. The possibility that she was gone was too much for him to handle. The medical staff had assured him that everything was alright and that she would likely wake up soon, but their reassurance had done nothing to relieve his anxiety.

Kylo was brought out of his anxious state by a beep at his wrist. He reached down and pushed the button on his com-link to receive the incoming transmission. Supreme Leader Snoke’s raspy voice emanated from the device.

“Kylo Ren. I require your presence. Come to the audience chamber.”

Kylo stood from his seat next to Sanya’s bedside to leave. Before walking away, he bent over and placed a light kiss on her forehead. He then grabbed his helmet from the bedside table and placed it on his head, making his way out of the infirmary and down the hall.

When he came to the door of the audience chamber, he was greeted by the sight of General Hux coming from the opposite hallway. He sneered at the man from behind his mask, but didn’t say anything. Supreme Leader wouldn’t approve of him harming Hux, no matter what the man had done. He turned to go through the door, pushing ahead of Hux. Kylo made his way to the center of the room and kneeled before the large empty chair in front of him. The dark room was filled with a glowing light as the hologram of Snoke filled the empty chair.

“Supreme Leader,” both men acknowledged to the large image.

Snoke nodded slightly at the men before him and began to speak.

“The building of our super weapon is progressing. General Hux, I want you to make your way to the station to oversee the construction effort.”

Hux bowed his head in obedience before responding.

“Yes Supreme Leader. I will ensure that it is completed as soon as possible.”

Snoke waved his hand in the direction of the door.

“You are dismissed General. Leave once you have put your affairs in order.”

Hux bowed again before turning and making his way out of the audience chamber. Kylo seethed inwardly as the man left. There would be no chance to confront him, but the fact that Hux was leaving was a small comfort to him.

“What is it that angers you so, my apprentice?” Snoke asked, sensing Kylo’s anger towards Hux.

Kylo returned his attention to the hologram before him, carefully choosing his words.

“The girl that I captured, Sanya, was attacked four days ago in her cell. She was assaulted and poisoned. I suspect General Hux is behind it. He has a personal grudge against her family.”

Snoke raised his hand to his chin, pondering the situation his apprentice was in. The girl Ren had been tasked to convert to the dark side had a hold on his heart. He could sense the man’s deep feelings for her.

“You need to focus on the situation at hand, Ren. This attack has made the girl weak. She will see you as her savior. You must use this to your advantage. Bring her over to our side. Show her how to protect herself and use her powers to serve her own advantage. Bring out that inner darkness you sense in her. However, if you fail to bring it out, you must know that she will need to be eliminated.”

Kylo nodded in response to his master’s command. His face twisted in worry, and he was glad he was wearing his mask. Snoke waved in the direction of the door as he had with Hux, signaling that Kylo was dismissed. The hologram faded from view, and Snoke’s large form disappeared. Kylo stood from his kneeled position and walked out of the audience chamber.

As he entered the hallway, Kylo pondered what he should do. Snoke wanted him to focus on his task, but he also had responsibility with his knights. As first knight, he needed to show occasional interest in order to keep his command in place. Making a quick decision, he deviated from his routine of the past four days of sitting at Sanya’s side. He made his way down the hallway to the training area.

Entering the room, he observed his group of fighters sparring in pairs. As soon as they noticed his presence, they stopped sparring and turned their attention to him. Kylo looked over the assembled group and noticed that two of the knights were missing.

“Where are Knights Dykon and Myok?”

Kylo’s second in command, Bal Torra stepped forward. The orange Twi-lek bowed his head in respect before responding.

“Dykon is in the infirmary. She was injured earlier today during training. A blow landed too hard on her arm and broke it. Myok was escorting her there, he should be returning soon.”

Kylo nodded and returned his attention to the other knights before him.

“As you were.”

The knights bowed their heads before returning to their sparring. Kylo watched them as they sparred for a few minutes. His attention was drawn to the door when it opened and Xander Myok walked into the training room. He bowed his head in respect to his master before picking up a staff and beginning to spar with the knight that was free from sparring Bal Torra.

Kylo turned his face to Bal, who was standing next to him.

“I leave them in your hands. I have other duties to attend to. For the foreseeable future, I would like you to oversee their training. I have a task assigned from Supreme Leader, and I cannot be in two places at once.”

Bal Torra nodded in response. Kylo turned and left the training room, leaving his knights to their training. He made his way down the hallway back to the infirmary. When he entered, he noticed that the bed next to Sanya was occupied by his missing knight.

“I heard you were injured in combat Camry,” he said to the blue skinned woman reclining on the bed.

Kylo was glad that his mask altered his voice to hide his concern. Camry Dykon was an old friend of his, but he was still her superior.

They had known each other as children, as her father had served as a representative of Pantora in the new Senate his mother was part of. When the First Order had begun to emerge, Camry’s father had been convinced that they were a stronger force and left the Senate, pledging his alliance to the First Order. When Kylo was put in charge of the Knights of Ren, he had recruited Camry. She still treated him like he was Ben Solo occasionally, so Kylo kept his distance as much as possible.

Kylo reached up and removed his helmet from his head. He placed it back where it had been sitting earlier on the bedside table near Sanya’s bed. He sat down on the chair between the two beds and focused his attention on Camry.

“I missed blocking a blow from Torra’s staff and it hit my arm fairly hard. He is very strong so it broke my arm. The medical staff said that with some time in a bacta tank, I should be able to return to training in a week.”

Kylo shook his head at her.

“You need to work on your defensive skills Camry. It has always been a weakness of yours.”

Camry nodded in response to her master’s criticism. She turned to look at the unconscious woman on the bed next to her.

“That’s her isn’t it? She’s the one you’ve been pining for the past ten years.”

Kylo rolled his eyes and shifted his gaze to Sanya.

“I have not been pining. I was searching for her. I love her and I wanted to find her.”

Camry shook her head and stood up slowly from her bed.

“You were pining. I can tell. Anyway, I’ll leave you two alone.”

She bowed her head slightly before walking away from her bed to the staff desk to speak to a staff member. Kylo watched her walk away before refocusing on Sanya again.

There didn’t seem to be any change in her condition since he had left her bedside earlier. Kylo reached out and took her smaller hand in his. He didn’t know how long he would be able to watch her stay in this state. Closing his eyes, he decided that it was time he tried other methods. He reached out with his mind through the force and called for her.

_Sanya? I need to know that you are alright. I need you to wake up._

Kylo focused on transferring some of his strength into her mind and body. He was rewarded soon enough when he felt a warm presence appear. He opened his eyes and scanned Sanya’s face hopefully.

Sanya’s eyes slowly fluttered open and she blinked a few times at the light in the infirmary. Kylo let go of her hand and moved his hand to the side of her face, encouraging her to look at him.

“Sanya? Can you hear me?” he asked as a sense of relief washed over him.

Sanya looked around the room slowly, taking in her surroundings. She focused on Kylo’s face in front of her.

“Where am I? What happened?” she asked in confusion.

“You were attacked and poisoned. I felt your fear and pain, so I went to investigate. I found you unconscious on the floor in your room. Do you remember anything?”

Sanya sighed as she thought back to the last thing she could remember.

“I remember Hux coming to my room. He was angry. Something about my father killing his father and him wanting revenge. When I responded, he hit me and knocked me down. He raised his blaster to kill me. I remember being so afraid. I couldn’t control the power that was fueled by my fear and it lashed out in his direction. The last thing I remember is being stunned by a trooper.”

Kylo felt his quelled anger at Hux from earlier building up again. His anger flowed through him and he could feel the force sparking around him. The medical equipment around him began to go haywire from the energy he was expelling. He was quickly brought back to reality by the pressure of a hand on his.

“Hey. Calm down. I’ll be alright. It’s over,” Sanya said quietly, trying to soothe his anger.

Kylo felt her calming influence wash over him and his rage started to dissipate. He focused his attention on her face. She was smiling slightly at him, putting on a brave face to calm his nerves.

“I’m sorry it took this much to get your attention,” Sanya joked lightly.

Kylo tilted his head in confusion at her statement.

“What do you mean?”

Sanya’s smile faded slightly and her expression turned serious.

“You were ignoring me. We need to talk…”

Kylo shook his head at her and interrupted her by returning his hand to her face.

“Not now Sanya. Once you are fully healed, we will discuss things. You need to rest and recover.”

He stood slightly from his seat and leaned forward, placing a kiss on her forehead for the second time that day. Sanya sighed and nodded in agreement. She reached her hand up and placed it on his face like he had done to her. She softly brushed her thumb across his cheek.

“You promise?” she asked softly.

Kylo nodded in response. Sanya smiled at him and leet her hand drift back down to the bed. She closed her eyes and quickly fell asleep. Kylo sat by her side in quiet contemplation.

_What was he going to do?_


	8. Ghostly Figures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special guest makes an appearance in this chapter :)

Sanya was getting irritated. It had been two weeks since she had woken up in the infirmary after being attacked, and she had been back in her “cell” for over a week. Kylo Ren had come to see her only a few times, and his visits had been brief. He came, asked how she was feeling, and left. Every time she tried to talk to him about what had happened between them before the attack, he brushed her off and quickly diverted the conversation to her well-being.

She paced across the length of her small space, awaiting his next visit. Next time she would get a conversation out of him. If she had to physically stop him from leaving the room, she would. Her inner thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door whooshing open. She turned to see Kylo enter the room, the door closing behind him. He reached up and removed his helmet as he always did in her presence. He placed it on the small table next to him.

“I could sense your irritation from across the ship. Is something bothering you?” he asked with a small amount of concern in his voice.

Sanya crossed her arms across her chest and stared up at him, her irritation plain on her face.

“Are we ever going to talk about what happened between us? You promised that we would talk when I was healed. Well, I’m healed now. Let’s talk.”

Kylo sighed and shook his head slightly. His reaction only aggravated Sanya.

“You wanted so badly for me to admit my feelings for you, and when I finally do, you run away! I don’t understand you.”

Sanya was struck by the sudden change in Kylo’s expression at her words. His eyes looked down into her own and she could only see pain.

“I can’t protect you Sanya. If what happened with Hux is any proof, it doesn’t matter where you are. I can’t protect you and you being associated with me only puts you in more danger.”

Sanya shook her head at his words.

“I don’t need protecting. If the troopers hadn’t stunned me, I would have been fine. It isn’t your responsibility to protect me. I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m a third generation force user on both sides and have been trained in the Jedi arts. I can protect myself.”

Kylo quickly strode across the small room, closing the space between them. His sudden advancement startled Sanya slightly and she stepped back. His tall form towered over her smaller one and she suddenly was rethinking her words.

“What about me? Can you protect yourself from me?” he asked, he voice shaking slightly.

Sanya felt her heart rate quicken as she gazed up into his burning dark eyes.

“Why would I need to do that?” she asked hesitantly.

“Because I’m dangerous. I could kill you easily. I almost did once before, at the academy.”

Sanya blinked in confusion at his admission.

“What? I thought you said…”

“I lied. I really was going to kill you that night. I said I couldn’t hurt you, but I can. I don’t want to. I love you and I don’t want you to be hurt. The only way I know to help you is to bring you over to the dark side or to let you go.”

“So let me go.”

Sanya could see the pain in his eyes increase and confusion clouded his face. She reached up and placed her hand on his shoulder.

“Let me go, and come with me. We can both leave.”

Kylo reached up and took her hand in his own. Shaking his head sadly.

“I can’t do that. If I leave, Snoke and Hux will hunt us down. They would kill us both, or worse they would kill only you to punish me. If I let you go, you would leave alone. I would never see you again. I don’t know if I could do that either. The possibility of being separated from you is the what fueled me to kill you ten years ago.”

Sanya took another step back from him, pulling her hand out his. Her fear was masked by her confusion.

“What do you mean?”

Kylo seemed dejected that she had pulled away, but complied in answering her question.

“The idea of you dying was more tolerable than you being in out in the galaxy somewhere hating me.”

“But you didn’t kill me. Luke stopped you and I got away. I believed that I hated you for ten years. Somehow you survived that.”

Kylo gestured to himself and his expression changed again to one of disgust.

“And look at the man I have become. I took my pain and anger and let it fuel me. It has been my main focus.”

Sanya looked up at Kylo sadly. Behind his mask and his intimidating manner, he was just a man in pain. She hated to see that pain. Behind that pain and anger lingered her best friend that she loved.

“There is something stronger than anger and hate if you let it be your main focus.”

“And what is that?” he asked her.

Sanya reached up again, this time placing her hand on his cheek. She placed her other hand on his chest, right over his heart.

“Love. I love you, and I have for a long time. I didn’t want to admit it when you first brought me here, but it’s the truth. We can figure things out together. You said that we have a connection, and we do. I can feel it.”

Kylo mirrored Sanya’s action and placed his hand on her cheek. He leaned down and pulled her face towards his own. His lips softly covered her own. After a brief kiss, he pulled away slightly from her, gauging her reaction.

She gave him a small smile before moving her hand from his chest to wrap her arms around his neck. Standing on her toes to compensate for the height difference, she pulled his face down for a deeper kiss. He took this as an acceptance of him and lifted her small frame into his arms. This encouraged a small sound of surprise and delight to escape Sanya’s mouth as it was torn from his.

Kylo chuckled slightly and covered the short distance from where they had been standing to Sanya’s bed. He gently laid Sanya down on the bed and moved to hover over her. He leaned down to claim her lips again. They remained that way for a short while before he pulled away again. His dark eyes searched her softer brown ones, silently asking to continuing. Sanya smirked slightly up at him before kissing him again, giving herself to him completely.

 

Hours later, Sanya woke up feeling more alive than she had in years. She turned over on her side to face the sleeping form beside her. Kylo looked almost peaceful when he was asleep. In his current state, she could see the traces of the Ben Solo she knew and loved. Sanya reached over and brushed a stray black curl from his face, smiling at the memories that flooded her mind.

She could picture the way he had smiled down at her when she was 14, frustrated that she couldn’t read his thoughts. He had ruffled her hair, pulling it out of her neat braid, which only frustrated her more. She had attempted to muss his hair in revenge, but his height had hindered her efforts. He had laughed at her as she jumped to reach his head, evidently failing and giving up.

Sanya’s smile began to falter as the memory faded and she once again looked at the man lying next to her. He no longer had that smile she loved. The closest he got was a smirk. This man was not Ben Solo, he was Kylo Ren. Same face, same eyes, even the same hair, but a different man. Silent tears began to stream down Sanya’s cheeks, landing on Kylo’s arm beneath her cheek.

Kylo began to stir in his slumber and his eyes slowly fluttered open. The sudden wetness on his arm had awoken him and he searched for the source. His eyes scanned Sanya’s face and noticed the tears falling from her eyes. Kylo felt an inner panic as his mind reeled over the reasons behind her tears.

_Did she regret sleeping with him? Was she wrong about her feelings?_

He raised his hand from the bed and wiped some of the tears from her face.

“Hey…what’s wrong?”

Sanya seemed startled that he was speaking and quickly wiped her eyes and face with her hands. She met his eyes and gave him a small smile.

“It’s nothing. I was just thinking about some things and my emotions got away from me.”

Kylo raised his eyebrows slightly in disbelief. He didn’t believe her explanation, but he didn’t want to push her. He leaned over and gently touched his lips to Sanya’s, holding her face close to his with his hand. He pulled away and slowly sat up on the bed. Looking up at the clock on the wall of the room, he noticed that it was early morning. They had been sleeping for a long time. He slid to the edge of the bed and rifled through the clothes strewn about on the floor, searching for his garments.

Sanya sat up as well, covering herself with the sheet. It was ridiculous for her to cover herself up after what had transpired between them, but she felt skeptical as Kylo began to pull his clothing on.

“Where are you going?” she asked, worry clouding her face.

Kylo turned to her and saw her concerned expression. He felt his heart swell. She thought he was leaving her. He had gotten what he wanted and was now going to leave. He reached out with his hand and touched her cheek again.

“I have things to take care of. I do have responsibilities, you know,” he said giving her a tiny smile.

Sanya’s eyes lit up at the sight of his smile.

“I suppose you do.”

Kylo bent down and kissed her softly again. He pulled away slightly and moved his lips to her forward, planting another kiss there.

“I’ll be back later, I promise.”

Pulling on his gloves, he walked over to the table his helmet was sitting on and picked it up. He glanced at Sanya one last time before slipping the helmet over his head and exiting the room.

Sayna watched him leave the room and the door slide shut behind him. She stood from her bed, examining the mess around her. She gathered her clothes from the floor and placed them in the laundry bin in the wall. She made her way into the bathroom attached to her room and stepped into the shower.

After she finished washing up, Sanya slipped on the robe hanging next to the shower. She opened up the storage unit along the bathroom wall for the first time since her arrival to search for some clothing. Pulling open a drawer, she found some undergarments and black leggings. She made a face at the clothing choices that were available to her. Everything was black or dark grey. She preferred her own brown clothing, but it hadn’t been washed over the night like she had been doing since she had arrived, so she had to make do with what the First Order provided.

Sanya pulled on the black leggings and grabbed a tunic from the next drawer down. It was also black, much to her dismay. Sighing, she opened another drawer and found a wide grey belt. That was better than all black. Pulling on the tunic and wrapping the belt around her midsection, she took a look at herself in the mirror. She didn’t like the way the black made her look, like she belonged with the First Order. Walking away from the mirror, she left the bathroom.

A beep at the door told her that the droid that brought her meals had arrived. The door slid opened and the droid placed her tray on the table near the door before leaving again. Sanya sat down on the chair at the table and inspected her breakfast.

Two warm biscuits covered with glazed fruit sat on the plate before her. A small dish with a warm sticky liquid sat next to the plate. A steaming cup on tea sat on the corner of the tray. This had been her favorite breakfast food when she was younger. Sanya smiled to herself as she realized that Kylo Ren must have specifically requested that she have this food sent to her.

Sanya finished her breakfast and moved from the chair to the floor. She settled into a meditative position and closed her eyes. She focused on the force and let it surround her. She sat in silence for a few minutes before her peaceful state was interrupted by a voice she didn’t recognize.

“Sanya…”

Sanya’s eyes flew open at the sound of the voice. She looked up from her seat on the floor and saw an old man standing before her. He wasn’t solid in form and had a sort of bluish glow to him. Sanya scrambled from the floor and grabbed the fork from her tray, brandishing it in the direction of the form in front of her.

“Hello Sanya,” the man said, giving her a small smile.

Sanya continued to point the fork in his direction, wary of the strange presence in her room.

“Who are you?” she asked accusingly.

“My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

Sanya lowered the fork slightly and raised her eyebrows in disbelief.

“As in my grandfather, Obi-Wan Kenobi?”

The man nodded in response and pointedly looked at the fork in Sanya’s hand. She saw where his gaze fell and placed the fork back on her tray, feeling slightly foolish.

“Well…nice to meet you…I guess? What do you want? How can I see you?”

“You are strong in the force, not surprising when you look at your family. I am using the force to appear to you. There are some things that I feel you need to understand about the man you now know as Kylo Ren.”

Sanya sighed softly and shook her head at the ghostly figure before her.

“If you are going to try and talk me out of being with him, don’t even bother.”

Obi-Wan held up his hands in front of him in a defensive position.

“That’s not what I wish to do at all. Quite the opposite actually.”

Sanya raised her eyebrows again questioningly and urged him to continue.

“Go on…”

“Ben Solo still resides inside Kylo Ren. He may seem like what you have head Darth Vader was like, but there is some Anakin inside of him as well. I can see it in him. His love for you is not so different from Anakin’s love for his wife Padme. It is a swaying point in who he is. You need to bring out the Ben Solo that is buried under Kylo Ren. Let your love be his guide back to the light.”

Sanya thought over what her grandfather was saying. She had seen little bits of Ben that had broken through Kylo Ren’s intimidating and broody nature. Earlier, she had thought that Ben was lost to her, but Obi-Wan’s words brought her original hope back to light.

“He is a different man now than he was when I knew him as Ben. He is caught in Snoke’s grasp and I’m not sure I will be able to pull him free.”

Obi-Wan sighed sadly and his eyes softened in compassion towards his granddaughter.

“I thought the same thing about Anakin. It seemed that he was gone forever, but right before he died, he was brought back towards the light by someone he loved. I believe that you can do the same with Kylo Ren, hopefully before it is too late.”

“I will try my best. I do love him, and I want him to return to where he belongs.”

Obi-Wan smiled at Sanya and placed his ghostly hand on her shoulder. She couldn’t feel it physically, but she could feel a pulse through the force that warmed her heart.

“That is all you can do Sanya,” he reassured her. “You are so much like your grandmother. Not afraid to fight for those you care about. I’m proud of you.”

Sanya smiled back at her grandfather’s kind face.

“Thank you Grandfather.”

Obi-Wan’s form began to fade from her vision and Sanya gave a small wave. She thought about what he had said to her and formed a strong will in her mind.

_I will find you Ben and bring you back to me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to point out that since this is a T rated story, I will not be writing smut. I will leave that part to your imaginations. ;)


	9. Remember Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was entitled Remember Me based on the song I was listening to while writing it. It seemed to fit the chapter. If you wish to look the song up it is by Ivan Torrent.

_12 years ago…_

Sanya sat alone in a small room of the Jedi academy. For the past hour, she had been unsuccessfully trying to solve the puzzle before her. Master Luke had instructed her to move a small ball through a maze using only the force as her guide. So far, all of her attempts had been unsuccessful and it was making her very irritated. This time was no different. She reached a dead end in the maze again.

Sanya’s eyes flew open and the puzzle board was flung across the room with the force in her frustration. It smacked against the wall near the doorway, almost hitting the boy entering the room. Ben quickly dodged the flying object before it hit him in the face and turned to look at his frustrated friend.

“I don’t think that’s how you solve the puzzle Sanya. You are lucky my uncle Luke wasn’t here. He would have scolded you on emotional control.”

Sanya flashed Ben an irritated look before moving across the room to pick up the puzzle pieces and reassembling it.

“What do you want Ben?”

Ben recoiled in mock offense, attempting to lighten the mood.

“Ouch. What did I do to receive that tone?”

Sanya sighed and placed the puzzle down on the table before returning her attention to the tall boy beside her.

“Nothing. That scolding you mentioned has already happened. Master Luke says I’m too prone to emotional outbursts.”

“Funny. He says the same thing about me. I have something that might cheer you up a bit.”

Sanya looked up curiously at her friend and raised her eyebrows.

“Really? What’s that?”

Ben reached into his pocket and pulled out a string bracelet. Sanya extended her hand and he handed it over. Two beads and a small pendant hung on the bracelet. The two beads had lettering on them, one with a B and the other with a S. The pendant had the three pointed symbol that had stood for the Rebel Alliance in the Empire times.

“I made it for you. My mother said the symbol used by the rebels was the emblem of your father’s family. I know you don’t have much to remember him by since he died before you were born, so I thought you would like to have something.”

Sanya felt her eyes begin to water. She stood on her toes and wrapped her arms around the tall boy’s neck, hugging him tightly. Ben stumbled back a little in surprise at the embrace, but gladly returned it.

“Thank you Ben. This means a lot.”

Sanya pulled away and looked again at the beads in her hand.

“I take it the B is for Ben? And the S is for Sanya?”

Ben smiled brightly at her in response and reached out to take the bracelet back from her. He wrapped it around her left wrist and securely tied it.

“I want you to remember me too, no matter where life takes you.”

Sanya responded with a smile of her own.

“I could never forget you Ben.”

 

_Present…_

Sanya sat alone again, this time in a different room. She sat on her bed, admiring the bracelet that still rested on her left wrist. She heard the door to her room open, but didn’t look up.

Kylo Ren entered the room and looked to where Sanya was sitting. He saw that her attention was focused on her wrist, so his eyes gravitated to the same place. He noticed the bracelet on Sanya’s wrist and blinked in surprise.

“Have you had that this whole time?” he inquired.

Sanya turned her face to look at him and nodded.

“Yes. I was hiding it from you.”

Kylo strode to the bed and sat down at Sanya’s side. He reached over and took her hand in his own, gazing down at her wrist.

“I remember the day I gave this to you. I was trying to show you how much I cared about you without directly telling you. Why would you hide this from me?”

Sanya pulled her hand from his grasp and pulled her sleeve down to cover the bracelet again.

“You are no longer the same boy that gave me this bracelet. I know that. I hid it because it is just a reminder of someone that no longer exists.”

Kylo frowned slightly and reached for Sanya again. He gently placed his hand on the side of her face and turned her towards him.

“Ben Solo gave you the bracelet because he loved you. While that boy may no longer exist, his love still does. I love you as much as I did that day, in fact I love you more.”

Sanya mirrored his actions and raised her own hand to his face.

“I know you love me, and I love you. Just tell me the old you is still in there somewhere.”

Kylo shook his head and pulled away from Sanya, standing from his seat on the bed.

“I can’t do that. I would be lying if I said that. I don’t want to lie to you.”

Sanya also stood from the bed and stood in front of Kylo, forcing him to look at her.

“If you can’t tell me that, then tell me something else. What is going to happen to me? I doubt Snoke will let me just hang around. He gave you a mission to turn me, did he not?”

Kylo nodded and turned his eyes away from Sanya. He knew this conversation was bound to happen, no matter how long he tried to avoid it.

“Yes he did. He said that I had to bring you over to the dark side and have you serve the First Order at my side. If I failed to do that, my orders are to kill you.”

Sanya sighed in response. That was what she figured was the case.

“And you’ve made it clear that I can’t convince you to run with me. If serving the First Order is the only way I can stay alive and with you, I guess that is what I will have to do.”

Kylo shook his head again.

“That won’t be enough. Snoke will see in your mind that you aren’t loyal to the Order and he will kill you himself.”

Sanya hadn’t thought of that. She turned away from Kylo and began to pace back and forth across the space of her room, trying to think of a solution to the problem in front of her.

“I will do what it takes. Take me to see Snoke and I will tell him myself that I intend to stay. I will prove my loyalty. I don’t choose the dark path that you have gone down, but I will do what I must to keep myself alive. You were right before. I am no Jedi. I am not doing this because I want to, but for us.”

“Time with the First Order will change how you feel. The dark side is seductive. It pulls you in slowly.”

Sanya crossed her arms across her chest and looked at Kylo defiantly.

“I am strong. I can resist it.”

Kylo looked at Sanya like he didn’t believe her. He raised his eyebrows at her with skepticism.

“We will see. I will request an audience with Supreme Leader and you can inform him of your decision. For now, come with me.”

Kylo turned and opened the door and walked through it into the hallway. Sanya hesitated slightly, but followed him out the door and down the hall. She had to walk fast to keep up with his longer strides.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“Your new quarters,” Kylo responded, slowly his steps so she could keep up.

The two of them continued down the hall until they reached the door to Sanya’s new quarters. Sanya looked down the hall and saw another door further down the wall. She assumed it was another set of quarters. Kylo punched in a code on the panel next to the door and it slid open. He gestured to the door, indicating that Sanya should go in first. She followed his direction and stepped through the door.

Sanya looked around the room she had entered. The room itself wasn’t huge, but it was neatly arranged. There was a small seating area with a couch and two chairs. A small kitchen area stood in the corner with a dining table and a set of chairs against the wall. Sanya noticed two doors on opposite walls of the room. Opening one, she saw that it was the bedroom. Another door was in the bedroom, which she assumed led to the bathroom. Returning to the main room, she pointed to the other door.

“Where does that door lead?”

Kylo smirked slightly at Sanya from his position near the entrance.

“That door leads to my quarters. Our main rooms are connected through that door.”

Sanya raised her eyebrows at him in surprise.

“Wow. Close quarters. How did that happen? Did you have a previous lover that required these rooms to be close to you?”

Kylo laughed softly at the slight hint of jealously he detected in Sanya’s voice. He moved from his place near the door and closed the distance between them. He wrapped his arms around her reassuringly.

“No. You are the only one that has had these quarters. You are the only woman that I have ever loved. As someone once put it, I guess I have been pining for you for the past decade.”

Sanya was surprised that someone would be on such friendly terms with the imposing Kylo Ren that they would feel comfortable teasing him like that.

“Who said that?”

“One of my knights. She’s known me since I was very young. You will meet her eventually?”

Sanya looked up at Kylo in confusion.

“I didn’t know you had other friends before you came to the academy. You never talked about them.”

Kylo’s expression changed to one of almost sadness.

“Before I began my training, Camry’s father was a part of the New Republic. He was the representative of the planet of Pantora. Eventually, he and his people left the Republic in favor of other governing methods. I didn’t see Camry again until after…”

“Until after you left too,” Sanya finished for him. “Why did you never tell me about her?”

“It was too painful at the time. After a while, we became friends and I didn’t feel the need to bring up painful memories. Later, when we were closer, I wanted to talk about it, but I was starting to fall in love with you. I was afraid that talking about another girl would make you feel the way you are at this moment.”

Sanya’s confused expression changed to one of indignation.

“What are you talking about? Are you saying I’m jealous? That is ridiculous.”

“I can read minds remember? There isn’t much you can hide from me.”

Sanya swatted at Kylo’s chest with false anger.

“Get out of my head you.”

Kylo chuckled and pressed his lips to her forehead.

“It’s alright. I promise you that my heart has always belonged to you.”

Kylo pulled away from their embrace and walked in the direction of the door to his own quarters.

“I’ll leave you to get acquainted with your new quarters. You can join me in about an hour for dinner. Until then…”

Without finishing his thought, Kylo stepped through the door and disappeared as it closed behind him. Sanya took another look around her new space and settled down on one of the chairs in her sitting area.

_I could get used to this. As long as I can avoid the darkness that surrounds the First Order’s every action, I should be alright._


	10. Heritage

Kylo Ren made his way to the audience chamber to meet with Supreme Leader Snoke. He had contacted him to inform him of the progress being made with Sanya and Snoke had called him to the audience chamber to speak further. He entered the large room and kneeled in the middle of the pathway as Snoke’s large holographic form filled the large throne before him.

“Supreme Leader, I bring you good news. Sanya wishes to speak with you herself to make her allegiance known.”

Snoke’s scarred mouth twisted up in the closest thing to a smile that Kylo had ever seen on his master’s face.

“This is good. You have done well Kylo Ren.”

Kylo inhaled nervously, trying to keep his thoughts in check. His part in Sanya’s decision was not what Snoke thought it was, he hadn’t swayed her thinking. She simply was choosing him over her death.

“Thank you master,” he said evenly, trying to deflect any suspicious behavior that Snoke would sense.

“I will meet with the girl as she has requested. We will speak in three days time.”

Kylo was puzzled by the delay that Snoke was placing on his meeting with Sanya, but accepted his master’s words.

“Yes Supreme Leader. I will let her know.”

Snoke’s form disappeared without another word and Kylo rose from his kneeled position. He turned and walked out of the chamber and down the hall towards his quarters. Entering his sitting room, he released the lock on his helmet and pulled it from his head, placing it on his table. He walked over to the door leading from his quarters to Sanya’s and opened it on the datapad next to it.

Sanya sat cross legged on the floor of her sitting room. Her eyes were closed and several small items were floating around her head. Kylo had barely stepped into the room before one of the objects flew in his direction and stopped an inch from his face. He quickly stepped back after noticing it was a knife floating in front of his face.

“Sanya!” he called out to the woman brandishing the weapon with the force.

Sanya’s eyes opened and all the objects floating around her dropped to the floor, including the knife near Kylo’s face.

“Ooops. Sorry about that. I’m a little on edge. The new surroundings aren’t helping my nerves.”

Kylo walked over to where she was sitting on the floor and offered his hand to help her stand. She reached up and took his hand, pulling herself to her feet. Kylo gently squeezed her hand reassuringly.

“You don’t have to worry. You are safe here.”

Sanya scoffed and pulled her hand away, crossing her arms over her chest.

“You will have to forgive me for not believing that statement.”

She walked away from the sitting area to the small kitchenette. Grabbing a glass from the storage unit and a pitcher from the conservator, she poured herself a glass of water. Kylo followed her across the space and placed his hand on her shoulder.

“What happened with Hux will never happen again, I promise. He wouldn’t dare come after you again. Besides, he isn’t on the ship. He was sent somewhere else not long after your attack.”

Sanya set her glass down on the counter and shook her head.

“All the same, I’m uneasy. I sense that things are not finished between us. I don’t know what lies ahead, but something is there. Foresight has never been my strong suit.”

Kylo lifted his other hand to her cheek to make her face him.

“I wouldn’t worry about it. The future is never set in stone. Visions of the future are susceptible to change. You know that.”

Sanya sighed and reached up to grab his hand in her own.

“I guess you’re right. Speaking of the future, what did Snoke say?”

“He said that he would meet with you in three days. I don’t know the reason behind the delay, but he seemed pleased that you have decided to work with the First Order.”

Sanya’s face twisted in irritation.

“I chose to stay for you, no other reason.”

Kylo nodded slowly in response as a look of concern covered his face.

“I know that. I’m glad you made the choice to stay, rather than run. You can’t let Snoke know that is why you made this choice. He will use it against both of us. You must hide it within your mind.”

Sanya looked up and met Kylo’s eyes. He could see that she was worried about what he had just said.

“Can you help me?” she asked softly.

Kylo gave her a small smile and leaned down to place his lips against her forehead.

“Of course,” he murmured against her skin.

Kylo took her hand and led her back to the sitting area. Sitting down on the sofa, he pulled her down beside him. He released his hold on her hand and lifted his hand towards her face.

“Think of the time when we first met. Try to hide it from me as I search your mind. Don’t let me find it.”

Sanya nodded and focused on the memory that he had instructed her to think of.

 

18 Years Ago

 

Sanya followed the man that her mother had said was named Luke down the ramp of the ship they had been traveling on. He had said that he was going to train her to be a Jedi. Her mother had told her stories about the Jedi, but Sanya never believed that she would have the chance to become one. Yet, here she was, only seven years old but on her way to a big future.

Sanya had to walk fast to keep up with Luke’s longer strides. She followed him up some stairs into a building that radiated with energy. The force, Luke and her mother had called it. Sanya looked around in amazement as she followed Luke through the doorway into a large entry. Not watching where she was walking, Sanya bumped into someone. She stumbled backwards, almost falling to the ground before Luke’s strong arms broke her fall.

“Careful Ben, it’s her first day. Don’t scare her off quite yet,” Luke said in an amused tone.

Sanya looked over the boy she had run into. He was slightly taller than she was and had dark shaggy hair. Her attention went straight to his ears, which stuck out comically from his longer hair. His dark brown eyes met hers and he gave her a small smile.

“I’m sorry about that. I didn’t see you.”

Sanya straightened herself out and returned the boy’s smile.

“That’s alright. I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

She extended her hand for the boy to shake.

“My name is Sanya Kenobi.”

The boy grasped her hand and shook it gently.

“I’m Ben.”

 

Present

 

Sanya was pulled from her own memories, feeling Kylo pushing through the wall of defense she had placed around them.

“Well that didn’t work,” she sighed.

Kylo lowered his hand from where it hovered near her face.

“It takes practice. Memories are harder to conceal than individual thoughts. We can try again.”

Sanya nodded and her gaze drifted down to her wrist, focusing on her bracelet. She traced the beads with her finger as she contemplated the memory she had just experienced.

“It’s hard to believe…” she murmured.

“What is?”

Sanya returned her gaze to Kylo’s face, meeting the same dark brown eyes from her memory.

“That 18 years later, we would be here. Together.”

Kylo shrugged his shoulders in response.

“I don’t think so. I told you before, we were meant to find each other and be here. Descendants of Skywalker and Kenobi.”

Sanya rolled her eyes at him, her lips turning up in a smile.

“There you go again with the ‘meant to be’ stuff again. I didn’t know you were such a romantic.”

Kylo narrowed his eyes at Sanya, which made her laugh softly.

“Someday, you will understand what I’m talking about. For now, we should practice again.”

 

3 Days Later

 

Sanya followed Kylo through the hallway until he stopped in front of a secured door. She could feel a pit of worry in her stomach. On the other side of the door was the man that would kill her without a second thought if she gave him a reason to. She felt a larger hand grab her own.

“Breathe Sanya. You need to focus,” Kylo encouraged her from his position next to her.

Sanya closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She focused on the things that Kylo had instructed her to place in the foreground of her mind and buried her true intentions beneath them. Projecting a false image of loyalty to the First Order into her mind, she opened her eyes again and nodded to signal she was ready.

Kylo released her hand and typed something on the data pad and the doorway opened to reveal a large audience chamber. He led the the way through the door, with Sanya close behind. He stopped short when he saw not the hologram of his master, but the man himself. Sanya bumped into his back when he stopped walking. She peered around him curiously to see what had made him stop.

Kylo quickly pulled out of his surprised stupor and continued walking forward. He kneeled before Snoke’s tall figure, gesturing for Sanya to do the same.

“I was not aware that you were here master.”

Snoke turned to face the two forms kneeling before him.

“I wanted to see the girl in person. You may rise, my dear.”

Sanya rose from her kneeled position and took in the man before her. He was a tall, thin man that didn’t look completely human. His face was scared and his skin was pale. He gestured to her with long thin fingers.

“Well, I was informed that you wished to speak to me about joining the First Order. Is it your intention to serve under me?”

Sanya’s breath hitched in her throat as she mustered up the courage to reply. Clearing her throat, she answered the intimidating figure before her.

“Yes, Supreme Leader. Kylo Ren has convinced me that it was the right choice and I wish to serve you in any capacity I can.”

Snoke’s expression lifted slightly, doing little to ease Sanya’s nerves.

“Good, good. It will be most helpful to have another force-sensitive on our side. Especially one with such strong familiar ties to the force.”

Sanya felt a foreign presence pressing against her mind that could only have been Snoke. She pushed away the urge to resist the intrusion and focused again on her false image of loyalty. She was alarmed when she felt the presence searching not her intentions, but her memories and her personal connection with the force.

She quickly glanced over at Kylo, who had risen from his kneeled position and stood a small distance away from his master. He gave her a small nod of encouragement. Sanya’s focus returned to Snoke when his voice interrupted her thoughts.

“It seems that your connection to the force is not simply because of your Jedi heritage,” he said with a curious tone.

Sanya raised her eyebrows in confusion.

“It’s not?”

Snoke raised his spidery hand to his chin as if he was deep in thought. His hollow eyes scanned Sanya’s face before he continued.

“I can sense the power of the ancient cult of the Dothomirian witches within you. It has become watered down over the generations, but it still lingers deep in your blood. My apprentice has greatly misjudged the amount of power you possess.”

Kylo bowed his head slightly in response to Snoke’s words.

“Forgive me Supreme Leader. I did not know of her true heritage.”

Snoke turned his attention from Sanya to his apprentice.

“I’m sure that her training will be a learning experience for the both of you. Train her alongside your knights. Instruct her in the ways of the force that I have taught you. When she is ready, I will complete her training myself.”

Kylo bowed his head again in acknowledgment.

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

Snoke turned away from Kylo and waved his hand in dismissal.

“You are both dismissed.”

Sanya mirrored Kylo’s actions and bowed her head in respect. She followed Kylo from the audience chamber, her mind whirling around what had just happened. Once they exited the chamber, Sanya stopped in her tracks.

“What have I gotten myself into?” she asked.

Kylo turned around to face her, his face conveying a sense of pride and excitement.

“You have been given a chance to learn how to use your power to it’s full potential. Once you do that, we will be unstoppable.”

He lifted her hand to his lip, pressing a soft kiss there before releasing it and continuing his trek down the hallway. Sanya stood still in the place she had stopped.

_They are going to turn me into a weapon._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't seem to be getting any feedback from this site. If you enjoy this story, please let me know! Any feedback is welcome!


	11. Among the Knights

Sanya looked around the room that Kylo had brought her to. It seemed to be some sort of training room for what she assumed were the Knights of Ren. It was a large room and was filled with between twenty and thirty people of varying species. Sanya was amazed at the number of people that made up the group under Kylo’s leadership. An orange skinned Twi-lek male approached the pair where they stood.

“Master Ren,” he said in greeting, “have you brought us a new recruit?”

Kylo pulled Sanya so she was standing in front of him and placed his hands on her shoulders.

“For the First Order, yes. Not for the knights, but she will be training alongside them. This is Sanya. Sanya, this is Bal Torra. He is my second in command.”

Sanya wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do or say in greeting to the man in front of her so she slightly bowed her head in greeting. Bal Torra inspected Sanya’s small form and raised an eyebrow. She could tell that he was unimpressed with her.

“Let’s see what we are working with. Dykon!”

Sanya noticed a blue skinned woman standing not too far from them turn at Bal Torra’s shout. She walked over to where the three of them stood and bowed her head in greeting. Sanya looked the woman over. She only stood about an inch taller than herself, but looked similar in form.

“I want you to help show me how…” Bal Torra started before turning his attention to Sanya, pointing in her direction.

“Sanya Kenobi,” Sanya finished for him.

Bal Torra looked surprised when he heard her full name. He paused a bit longer than expected before finishing his thought.

“Kenobi…show me how you can handle yourself in a fight.”

Sanya looked to Kylo for reassurance. He didn’t say anything, but instead moved his hand to the small of her back, pushing her forward slightly. Sanya and Dykon moved away from the two men to an open space.

“What are the limits?” Dykon asked.

Bal Torra moved to stand beside Kylo, clasping his hands behind his back.

“You fight until I tell you to stop. No weapons, but use of the force is allowed.”

Sanya balked slightly at the last part of his command. She briefly wondered if the woman she was facing was force sensitive, but pushed her worries aside. Dykon had moved into a fighting stance, so Sanya prepared herself.

“Begin.”

Sanya wasn’t ready for the first blow she was hit with. As soon as Torra had spoken, Dykon had closed the distance between them with a strike to Sanya’s face. Sanya stumbled slightly, more in surprise than from the force of the blow. Before she had a chance to react, Dykon struck her again, this time in the abdomen. Sanya grasped her midsection in response, bending over slightly.

Dykon took this as a chance to surge forward with another blow. This time, Sanya was prepared. She ducked out of the way of Dykon’s advance, causing her to move past her. As Dykon’s body passed hers, Sanya swung out with her left arm, hitting her across the shoulders. Dykon lost her balance slightly, which Sanya used to her advantage. She swiftly kicked out against Dykon’s back, causing her to fall forward to her knees.

Sanya was caught off guard when Dykon retaliated by kicking her ankles, knocking Sanya off her feet. Sanya fell flat on her back, the air rushing out of her lungs from the force of the impact. Dykon quickly moved from her place on the floor and straddled Sanya’s body, pinning her down. Frustrated by the sudden loss of the upper hand, Sanya raised her hand slightly and sent Dykon flying off of her with the force. Dykon somersaulted through the air before landing in a heap twenty feet from Sanya.

“Enough!” Bal Torra’s voice rang out.

Sanya sat up, breathing heavily. Seeing movement in the corner of her eye, she turned her head to see Kylo standing over her. He offered her his hand to help her stand. She gladly took his hand, pulling herself to her feet. Across the room, another knight was helping Dykon to her feet.

“That was impressive,” Bal Torra said, crossing the space. “You could benefit from some training to hone your skills, but this is a good start. I look forward to overseeing your training.”

He turned away from Sanya to face Dykon.

“Dykon, I’m surprised at you. It seems your defense techniques could use some work.”

Dykon nodded solemnly, wincing in pain.

“Yes sir.”

“Clean yourself up Dykon. Then get back to work.”

Dykon nodded again before walking in the direction of the med station. As she walked past them, she glared at Sanya. Kylo frowned at her before turning his attention back to Sanya. She was looking up at him in confusion.

“I don’t understand. I did what he told me to. It was a fair fight. Why is she upset?”

Kylo shook his head and frowned again as he raised his hand to where Sanya’s lip was bleeding.

“I’ll speak with her later. First I need to know, where did you learn to fight like that? I know my uncle didn’t teach you that.”

Sanya flinched slightly in pain when he touched her injured face.

“I’ve spent the past eight years working with a smuggler. Until four years ago, I didn’t have my saber staff because I didn’t have the materials to build one. I don’t like blasters, so I needed a way to defend myself. I learned the basics from my partner’s father, and the rest came from experience. Smuggler life isn’t the easiest.”

Kylo’s frown turned into a pained expression at her words.

“I can’t say that life in the First Order is easy, but I will do everything in my power to make sure you never live like that again. I will be by your side to help you.”

Sanya gave him a small smile before flinching again in pain.

“Don’t worry about me. That life wasn’t too bad. It was a learning experience that will help me in the future.”

Kylo didn’t have a chance to respond before Bal Torra approached them again.

“Master Ren, may I speak with you?”

Kylo nodded at the other man before returning his attention to Sanya.

“Can you find your quarters on your own? There should be a med pack in there somewhere.”

Sanya nodded in response, giving him another small smile.

“I’ll manage. I’ll see you later.”

Sanya turned away from the two men, walking in the direction of the door. As she walked, she glanced in the direction of the med station, noticing Dykon’s eyes following her. Sanya paused near the door, meeting the other woman’s eyes. Her gaze was broken when she was startled by a voice behind her.

“Don’t mind her. She’s just jealous.”

Sanya turned around and saw who was speaking to her. It was the man that had helped Dykon to her feet after their fight. He offered his hand for her to shake.

“Xander Myok.”

Sanya shook the offered hand.

“Sanya Kenobi. Why would she be jealous of me?”

“Camry is the best female fighter in the knights, and you just sent her flying across the room when she had gained the advantage. In front of Master Ren too.”

Sanya balked for the second time since she entered the training room.

“Camry? That’s Camry? I should have guessed. She’s from Pantora, isn’t she?”

“Yes, she is.”

Sanya gazed across the room again to where Camry was standing. Her stare had shifted from Sanya to where Kylo stood talking with Bal Torra. Sanya immediately knew what was going on.

“No need to explain further. I understand.”

……………………………………………………………..

 

Kylo watched Sanya walk away before turning his attention to his second in command.

“She has promise as a fighter. You said she is a new recruit to the First Order, but not to the knights. Is she not to join our ranks?”

Kylo shook his head at Bal Torra’s question.

“Not at the moment. Supreme Leader Snoke wants her to be trained alongside the knights to hone her fighting skills. Whether it is his plan for her to become a knight or not, I do not know.”

Bal Torra stroked his chin in thought.

“What about the trials? They are in two weeks. It would be a good chance to see how she handles herself in a dangerous situation.”

Kylo shook his head again, his face twisting in displeasure.

“And risk her getting killed? She does not have the training to be put through that. The knights don’t even participate without at least five years of preparation. It is out of the question.”

Bal Torra bowed his head in respect.

“As you wish, Master Ren.”

Kylo turned towards the door and noticed that Sanya hadn’t left the training space yet. She was standing near the door talking to Xander Myok. Sanya would need some allies within the knights if they were going to accept her. Luckily, her personality and ability to make friends would help her with that. Kylo sighed at the sight of her friendly smile.

“She is nowhere ready for that kind of test. It would snuff out any budding loyalty to the First Order she has.”

Ball Torra reached down and grabbed a data pad from the table they were standing near.

“I will ensure that her name is not on the list of the participants.”

Kylo’s interest was piqued at the sight of the list in Bal Torra’s hands.

“Who is participating this year?”

“Fourteen of the knights have been selected to take part. Three of the seniors knights will serve as hunters alongside yourself.”

Kylo turned his gaze to where Camry stood at the med station. She still had an angry expression on her face.

“Are Dykon and Myok among the participants?” he asked.

Bal Torra looked at his list again, scanning the names.

“Yes. Both of them are on the list.”

“Thank you Torra. See to it that everyone is ready for the event.”

“I will,” he said before bowing his head and walking away.

Kylo crossed the room to the med station. Camry was looking in a mirror to apply a small bacta patch to a scrape on her face.

“You fought well Camry. If Sanya didn’t have the background she did, you may have kept the upper hand.”

Camry scoffed and turned to face him.

“Yeah, well I don’t have some magical power to help me like she does. That was a low move on her part.”

“Use of the force was permitted. She was simply defending herself. Like Torra said, you need to work on your defense techniques. You focus too much on the offensive, that’s why she was able to defeat you.”

Camry crossed her arms over her chest, a determined look covering her face.

“Next time that won’t happen, I assure you.”

She bowed her head to him before walking away. Kylo sighed as she walked away. He had hoped that Sanya and Camry could get along, but it seemed that was out of the question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am in search of a BETA reader so if you are interested or can recommend someone, please let me know!


	12. Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I know it’s been a long time since I updated, for which I apologize. I’ve actually had this chapter planned out since April, but I just hadn’t written it yet. I got busy with the end of the school semester and have been working full-time all summer. On top of that, I lost my entire fanfic folder! I don’t have my notes for any of my stuff, which greatly upsets me. That means this chapter may be a bit different than I originally planned. I hope to be back on a regular schedule soon since I will be returning to school. Thank you to all who have been waiting so patiently! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Sanya’s eyes fluttered open to the darkness of Kylo’s bedroom. She reached out across the bed to find it cold beside her. Sitting up slowly, she glanced around the dark room. In the dim light of the small lights on the wall, she could see that Kylo’s lightsaber and gloves were missing from his bedside table. She reached over and picked up her data pad, glancing at the time in the corner. It told her that it was 5 in the morning.

Puzzled, Sanya reached out through the force in an attempt to locate Kylo. He wasn’t normally up this early, especially without letting her know he was leaving. After not being able to locate him through the force, she pushed the covers from her body and stood from the bed, padding over to the bedroom door. As it slid open, she took a quick glance around the main living space. Finding it empty, Sanya decided that she would try and find him elsewhere on the ship. Surely someone would be awake and be able to tell her where he had disappeared to. The only time he had closed her out from his mind was when he was with Snoke, but Sanya was slightly worried that she couldn’t sense his presence at all.

She walked across the space to the door that went between their quarters and entered her own living space. She smiled to herself as she thought of how unnecessary it was for her to have her own quarters. In the two weeks that had passed since she had been assigned official quarters, Sanya had spent nearly every night in Kylo’s quarters. It seemed like a waste of space and was a hassle to walk all the way to her own bedroom to get dressed every morning.

As this thought passed through her mind, she reached into her storage space to grab some clothes. She pulled on the training leggings, tunic, and long sleeved shirt before pulling her boots on over her bare feet.

After putting her hair into a simple braid, Sanya made her way back across her quarters to the exit to the hallway. She glanced in both directions down the dimly lit hallway, not seeing a soul. She walked in the direction of the training area for the knights. Surely there would be someone there that she could talk to. She came upon the door, and was puzzled again by the lack of life that she felt in the room. There was usually someone in the training room in the early morning hours. Sanya opened the door with the panel next to it and stepped into yet another dark room. Not sure how to turn on the lights, she turned around to exit the room but was stopped when the door slid closed behind her.

Frustrated, Sanya felt along the wall for the button to open the door again. She was surprised when she felt something prick her neck. She reached up to feel the source of the irritation, but before she could, she felt someone wrap their arms around her, pining hers in place. She struggled against the person holding her, but quickly lost her will to fight when she felt herself losing consciousness. Before she could so much more, she fell limply into her captor’s arms.

 

Sanya awoke again a couple hours later, feeling groggy. Her surroundings were much better lit this time, causing her to blink rapidly. Looking around, she found herself in some kind of cell. It was a small room with a small barred window on three of the walls. She pushed herself off the floor to her feet and made her way to one of the windows. Looking out, she managed to glimpse a thick forest not far from her prison.

“Where am I?” she asked out loud.

A rustling sound to her left pulled her attention to the window on the adjoining wall.

“Sanya? Is that you?” a voice she recognized spoke up from beyond the window.

Sanya stepped over to the window and was met with the face of Xander Myok, the knight she had been getting to know. He looked concerned to see her.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

Sanya shrugged in response.

“I don’t know where here is. I went to the training room to find Kylo…Master Ren. I found it dark and when I turned to leave, I was attacked from behind. Next thing I know, I woke up here. Where are we?”

“We are on Teth. This is where the trials are being held for the Knights of Ren. I don’t know why you are here.”

“Just because she happens to be sleeping with Master Ren doesn’t mean she should get special treatment,” a female voice called out with disdain.

Xander and Sanya turned their attention to the other window on the opposing wall of Sanya’s cell where the voice was coming from. Camry’s blue face filled the space, an expression of disdain covering it. Xander shook his head at her.

“But she isn’t a knight. Master Torra said she wasn’t. Even knights have to serve for five years before even applying for the trials. She shouldn’t be here.”

Sayna held up her hand to stop the conversation.

“Hold on a second. What exactly are the trials?”

Camry smirked at her and rolled her eyes. Xander frowned and spoke up to answer her question.

“The trials are a right of passage for the Knights of Ren. It shows how resourceful we can be in a difficult situation. We are released into this jungle and some senior knights hunt us down. It is usually something you prepare for for years.”

Sanya’a jaw dropped in shock.

“They hunt you down? That’s barbaric!”

Camry chuckled darkly in her cell.

“Welcome to the Knights of Ren sweetheart. This is what our life is like. Get used to it.”

With that final remark, Camry disappeared from view again. Sanya turned to Xander with a desperate expression.

“What am I supposed to do? I’m not prepared for this!”

Xander gave Sanya a look of pity before offering her some advice.

“As soon as they release us, run. Run as far and as fast as you can and find a place to hide. This is a timed trial. If they can’t find you, you will survive. If they do find you, fight with all your might to stay alive.”

Sanya considered his words and looked out the front window again at the thick trees before her. This wouldn’t be her first time running for her life through a dense forest. She took some deep breaths and settled back on the floor to prepare herself. Closing her eyes, she tried to call upon the force to help calm herself. She was quickly distressed when she discovered that her connection to the force had been cut off.

“Don’t even try. You’ve been drugged to prevent using the force,” a deep voice said from in front of her.

Sanya opened her eyes to see a masked person at the third window. The person threw something through the bars that landed next to Sanya on the floor.

“Put this on,” the person commanded her before walking away from her cell towards Camry’s.

Sanya reached for the object that had been thrown at her. It was a mask of some sort. She stood up from the floor again and returned to Xander’s window.

“What’s this for?”

Xander reached down and picked up his own mask and held it up in front of him to examine.

“Master Torra said that we would be given masks to hide our identity. It also serves as an extra block against the force to work with the drug. They don’t want the hunters to know who it is that they are hunting. They don’t want anyone to be shown favoritism.”

“Looks like you aren’t getting out of this,” Camry drawled, “nobody will know who you are, so no one can save you.”

Sanya glared at the other woman before turning her attention to the mask in her hands. She lifted it to her face like she had been instructed. The mask suctioned to her face and she was glad to find out that it didn’t hinder her vision at all. She took a couple more deep breaths and was startled when a loud klaxon rang out.

“Trial competitors, prepare to exit your cells,” the voice from before said over a speaker.

Sanya and the others did as they were told and stood near the front of their cells. The voice started to speak again.

“You will have one hour head start before the hunters begin their search. After that, you will have five hours to complete the trial. Good luck.”

Another loud klaxon rang out and the fronts of the cells started to lift. Sanya blinked again in the brighter light of the outside world, quickly glancing around her surroundings. The cells they were being held in where part of a large wall. In every direction she looked, Sanya saw only trees. She was pulled out of her stupor by Xander’s voice, distorted from his mask.

“Run Sanya!” he called out as he ran past her.

Sanya did as she was told and took off into the trees in front of her. She ran as fast as her legs would allow, leaping over roots and logs and ducking under branches. There was no clear path for her to run on, but she pushed on. She could hear the others running through the trees around her and could hear their shouts as they tripped over trees and fell. She tried to ignore the sounds around her as she ran even deeper into the woods. The further she ran, Sanya noticed that it was quickly getting darker. She slowed to a stop in a clearing to catch her breath. Noticing a tree that she could easily climb, Xander’s earlier words of finding a place to hide came to her mind. She made her way over to the tree and quickly began to climb as high as she could.

As she rested and caught her breath, Sanya noticed again that the darkness was approaching quickly. The trees around her didn’t let much light into the dense forest to begin with and the clearing around her hiding spot was soon dark. Sanya felt her nerves start to wear thin. She quickly turned her head in the direction she had come from at the sound of a third klaxon alarm. The hour head start they had been given was over. The hunters had been sent to find them and kill them. Sanya was suddenly very glad for the darkness, as it concealed her whereabouts and protected her from being found.

Several hours passed, with nothing happening around her. Sanya remained vigilant in case someone found her and she needed to relocate. She heard a few screams from somewhere in the forest, which made her cringe. She knew that some of the people had been found and eliminated. She prayed that Xander hadn’t been killed. He was the only one that had been receptive of her.

Another hour passed before Sanya heard some crashing in the brush near her hiding spot. Her fear that she had been repressing suddenly leapt to the surface. She turned her attention to the source of the noise. She watched in the dim light as a man bolted into the clearing below her hiding spot. Sanya observed the person as he frantically looked around the clearing, searching for a place to hide. Another sound from below her diverted her attention. Sanya’s head whipped around at the sound of a lightsaber being ignited. A harsh red glow filled the clearing around her.

Sanya watched with horror as none other than Kylo Ren stepped into the clearing, brandishing his cross-guard lightsaber. He made his way across the clearing towards the person that had entered moments before. The man turned to run quickly but tripped over a root, falling to the ground. Instead of getting up to resume running, he scrambled backwards as Kylo advanced on him.

“No! Please have mercy!” he shouted as Kylo raised his lightsaber into the air before him.

Before he could let out another plea, the red blade came down, killing him instantly. Sanya let out a gasp, realizing too late that she shouldn’t have done that. Kylo’s head snapped in the direction of the sound and he turned around to face the tree she was hiding in. The light of his blade lit up the clearing enough that he could see her.

Sanya quickly reacted and half climbed, half jumped from her branch. As she landed on the ground, she stumbled slightly, falling forward onto her hands. She yelped in pain as her left hand was bent by the impact. Quickly getting to her feet, she glanced behind her. Kylo was quickly making his way back across the clearing in her direction. Sanya bolted into the trees as fast as she could, Kylo starting to run in pursuit.

As she ran, Sanya’s mind flashed back to ten years ago when she had been in this exact same situation. Not watching where she was running, she did what the man in the clearing had done and tripped over a tree root. She bit her lip to hold back her scream of pain as her injured wrist made contact with the ground. She looked down to find her ankles wrapped in brush. Using her uninjured hand, Sanya attempted to free her feet. The red glow from Kylo’s saber grew closer, which caused her to panic. She got to her feet again, and continued running. Sanya was losing her energy and her breathing was heavy. She soon reached another clearing and looked around frantically for somewhere to hide again. Not seeing one she turned to face her pursuer as he ran into the clearing behind her.

Kylo stopped in his tracks and faced Sanya. His lightsaber sparked menacingly at his side. Sanya’s breaths came out at a rapid pace. Her adrenaline from before had worn off and her wrist was draining more of her energy. She couldn’t run anymore, but she couldn’t fight Kylo off. Without her lightsaber or the force to call on, she was helpless.

“You can’t run anymore,” Kylo’s deep voice called out to her from behind his mask.

Sanya could feel her fear amplify at the sound of his voice. He was going to kill her, without knowing it was her. She reached out like the other man had in the clearing.

“Please don’t do this!” she called out desperately, her voice weak and not sounding like her own.

Kylo started to advance on her again, quickly closing the distance between them. Sanya tried to run again, but her tired legs wouldn’t let her. She stumbled from the effort and fell back to the ground again. She scrambled as far as she could before Kylo was upon her. He raised his lightsaber like before, intending to end her life.

Sanya felt tears running down her face as her mind was flooded again with the terrible memories from before. Here she was again, her life about to be snuffed out by the man she loved. And this time, Luke wasn’t here to save her. Sanya pulled at her mask to try and remove it. To her dismay, it wouldn’t budge. Panic rising within her, she screamed at him with all her might.

“Ben stop!”

Kylo’s blade halted mid-swing at her scream. He quickly lowered his saber and pressed a button on his wrist. Sanya felt her mask loosen on her face. She reached up and pulled it from her face, flinging it away from her. Her burning lungs absorbed the fresh air as she breathed heavily. She fearfully gazed up at Kylo from her spot on the ground before him. He placed his saber on the ground to keep the light in the clearing. He reached up to remove his own mask and threw it to the ground beside Sanya’s.

Kylo knelt to the ground to get closer to Sanya, an expression of anger mixed with pain and disbelief filled his face. He reached out for Sanya, pleading with his eyes that she come to him. Sanya’s fear from before overpowered the relief she felt. She backed away from his offered hand, tears still streaming down her face. Now that the horror had ended, she felt her emotions rushing through her. A loud sob escaped her mouth and she pulled as far away from Kylo as she could.

“Sanya, please….I didn’t know it was you. I’m not going to hurt you!” he called out desperately to her retreating form.

Sanya shook her head rapidly and continued to back away from him. She could see his pain and concern, but her own fear was controlling her actions.

“I promise! You weren’t supposed to be here! I won’t hurt you!” he continued to plea.

His pleas fell on deaf ears as Sanya stopped backing away and pulled her knees to her chest. She had no control over her emotions and curled into a ball as more sobs escaped her lips. Kylo didn’t dare approach her, afraid she would hurt herself trying to escape him.

A loud klaxon like the ones from before rang out across the forest. The trials were over. Kylo couldn’t focus on what was going on. He remained where he was, watching Sanya. After some time, two small shuttles flew over them and moved to land in the clearing. As soon as they did, the clearing was lit up by brighter lights than his red saber. Voices filled the air around him as he watched people run off the shuttles.

Kylo watched Xander Myok run from one of the shuttles in Sanya’s direction. He knelt before her and spoke to her. Kylo couldn’t hear what he said, but Sanya seemed to trust him. Xander reached below her and stood with her in his arms. He turned to face Kylo, and his angry face softened at the sight of Kylo’s distraught one. He shook his head slightly before carrying Sanya back onto the shuttle.

Another knight exited the other shuttle and came near to where Kylo was kneeling and tried to get his attention.

“Master Ren? Are you alright?” she asked with concern.

Kylo got to his feet and grabbed his mask and light saber. He looked in the direction of the departing shuttle with Xander and Sanya with sadness.

“No,” he said softly, “I am not alright.”


	13. Breathe

As the shuttles made their way back to the Finalizer, Sanya sat next to Xander nursing her injured wrist. Her mind flashed through various images from the planet below. The red glow of the lightsaber, her imminent death approaching as it hung over her head, and lastly Kylo’s painful expression as he tried to talk to her. That last image haunted her the most. His eyes had shown so much remorse and pain, but her own fear clouded over her trust for the man before her.

She felt fresh tears streaming down her cheeks as she recalled the hurt she had seen when she had recoiled from him. A gentle touch on her shoulder brought her attention to the man sitting next to her.

“Everything will be alright Sanya. You made it through alive,” Xander reassured her.

Sanya didn’t respond, turning her gaze back towards the floor of the shuttle. She was alive, yes, but what damage had been done? She had known that Kylo had killed people, she had seen the bodies. She had even had her own life threatened by him before, but with their recent reunion, she had been able to push past those horrible memories. Now she was forced to relive them all over again, the image of him standing over her with his lightsaber ready to kill fresh in her mind. She couldn’t ignore it anymore. He was dangerous, no matter how she felt about him.

The shuttle shook slightly as it settled in the landing hanger of the Finalizer. Sanya rose to her feet on shaky legs, Xander lightly holding her arm to support her if she needed it. Clutching her wrist close to her body, she made her way down the ramp with the rest of the trial survivors. A glance around the hanger led her eyes to the other shuttle ramp lowering. The resounding thuds of Kylo’s steps echoed in the large hanger as he descended the ramp, turning his head in her direction. Sanya quickly turned away and followed Xander’s direction out of the hanger towards the medical bay.

As soon as she reached the medical bay, Sanya was guided to an examination table by a red headed woman. She gently examined Sanya’s wrist, scanning it with a small device. Looking at her datapad, the woman gave Sanya a reassuring smile.

“Your wrist isn’t broken, just a severe sprain.”

Putting her data pad down, the woman grabbed some bacta patches and a wrist brace from the nearby supply cabinet before getting to work on Sanya’s wrist. Sanya sat silently, her eyes scanning the busy room around her. Staff was buzzing around tending to the injured knights that had filled the beds. The number of knights that she had seen on Teth had almost been cut in half. Sanya sighed and shook her head lightly at the needless pain and death that this trial had caused. Her eyes landed on Camry across the room, having a gash on her head bandaged by a medical staff member. Her words from before came back to Sanya’s mind.

_“Welcome to the Knights of Ren”_

This group of people was so determined to fight on the front lines of the First Order that they were willing to kill each other to get there. What kind of person could lead a group like that? Her thoughts again flew back to the image of Kylo holding his lightsaber above her head, poised to kill her. She thought about how effortlessly he had killed the knight in the forest and how he had murdered all the padawans at Luke’s academy. He was right, Ben was gone. Kylo Ren was a monster of a man, and she had turned a blind eye to his actions because of her feelings.

The woman had finished with Sanya’s wrist and tended to her other minor scrapes, telling her she was free to leave. Sanya left the medical bay as quickly as she could, making a beeline for her quarters. As soon as she entered them, she locked both her entry door and the door to Kylo’s adjoining quarters. She walked into her bedroom and curled up on her bed, not knowing what she should do. She hadn’t been there long when she heard a loud insistent knocking on her door, startling her into a sitting postion.

“Sanya! Please talk to me!” Kylo’s voice shouted from the other side.

She felt him brush against her mind, attempting to communicate with her. Sanya quickly threw up her defenses, blocking him from her mind. She had no interest in talking to him right now. She definitely didn’t want to see him. It was easier to see him as a monster when she couldn’t see Ben’s face looking back at her. As soon as she let him in, she would lose her resolve to fight against him. Even though she had closed up her end of the bond, she could feel his emotions flowing through. His desperation and concern was overwhelming. The audible pounding on her door continued.

“Let me explain! I didn’t want you anywhere near those trials. Please let me in!” his voice called out, his desperation loud and clear.

Sanya pulled her knees to her chest and buried her face behind them, trying to block out the sounds of his voice.

“Leave me alone!” she screamed at him, hoping he would give up and go away.

The pounding stopped and Sanya raised her head. She could still feel his intense emotions leaking through her block, but he had stopped pounding on her door demanding she talk to him. He seemed to have given up for now, but she knew he would try again.

Laying back down, she curled up and closed her eyes. She focused on anything but where she was, trying to conjure some positive images to combat the horrible ones that had been flooding her mind for the past few hours. Smiling faces filled her mind: her mother, Sam, the ghostly image of her grandfather Obi-Wan, even Luke. The comforting faces helped ease Sanya’s mind, but it didn’t last long. Soon her thoughts turned to her childhood at Luke’s academy, which came with an image of Ben’s smiling face. The youthful face of her best friend quickly transformed into the angry and damaged man that was Kylo Ren, his eyes pleading for her to forgive him.

Sanya’s eyes flew open in an attempt to erase the image of his face. Standing up quickly from her bed, she began to pace the length of her bedroom. The peace she had acquired through her happier memories quickly vanished and the overwhelming fear, sadness, and pain filled her heart again. For an umpteenth time that day, tears streamed down her cheeks. She gasped out her breaths as sobs shook her body. Her lungs couldn’t get air fast enough, and she could feel herself getting light headed. She tried to get her sobs under control and retain her ability to breathe, but her lungs wouldn’t cooperate. All of her pain washed over her, taking over her mind and body. Her walls around her mind crashed down and she could feel Kylo reaching out to her again. Sanya didn’t have the strength to push him away.

 _“I’m so sorry Sanya…”_ came his voice in her mind.

His voice only seemed to upset her more, and she began to hiccup through her sobs. She could feel his concern get stronger as he took in her emotional state.

_“Sanya? You need to breathe sweetheart.”_

Sanya tried to take deep breath but failed. The lack of oxygen in her body made her vision start to go fuzzy and she felt herself swaying on her feet. She stumbled in the direction of her bed, but her feet slipped out from under her and she fell to the floor. Her head bounced roughly off the cold floor, and she felt herself slowly drifting into unconsciousness.

“Sanya!” came Kylo’s voice, this time out loud rather than in her mind.

Sanya heard sparking and crashing coming from the main area of her quarters. The loud footsteps came rushing towards her and the last thing she saw before completely falling unconscious was Kylo’s worried face.

 

Kylo lifted Sanya’s unconscious body in his arms and rushed out of her quarters, stepping over the door that he had just broken through. He moved as quickly as he could towards the medical bay, stormtroopers and officers scurrying out of his way as fast as they could. He barged into the medical bay and called out for anyone nearby.

“I need help!”

The red headed woman that had tended to Sanya before came rushing forwards and furrowed her brow in confusion at Sanya’s uncncious form in Kylo’s arms. She gestured towards one the beds, indicating for him to lay Sanya down. He gently place her limp form on the bed and stepped back as the woman closed in to get to work.

“What happened? When she left a while ago, she was fine!”

Kylo shrugged helplessly at her question. He didn’t really know what happened.

“She was so upset and was crying. I could feel her not being able to breathe and the next thing I knew, she was passing out.”

The woman attached an oxygen mask to Sanya’s face and hooked her up to a machine to monitor her heart rate.

“I will run some tests, but that sounds like a panic attack. Given what she just went through, it’s not surprising. We’ll watch her very closely to see what we can find out. But until we do the tests, there isn’t anything I can do for her right now other than keep her sedated.”

As she said that, she inserted an IV into Sanya’s arm to allow the sedatives into her bloodstream. Kylo reached out and grabbed her hand, wincing at how cold it felt. He didn’t like seeing Sanya hooked up to so many machines. It reminded him of what happened a few months ago when she had been attacked. He felt an overwhelming sense of guilt wash over him. He had promised to protect her if she stayed with him, yet this was the third time she had been in the medical bay since she got here. Kylo pulled a chair over towards the bed with the force and sat down at Sanya’s side, resolved to not leave her until he knew more. He silently prayed to himself, much like the last time he had been in this situation.

_How much must she go through at my expense? She doesn’t deserve this._


End file.
